Thread: sweatshop newspaper report (473 words)

hi, earlier i posted a thread asking for some advice on sweatshops, and heres the results, this dosn't need to be in till next thursday so if any revisions need to be made i will have time to do so. we honist as i want this to be at it's best for the assessment.

A sweatshop in the LEDC, Ghana has been discovered having 25 workers in a makeshift shed the size of a small box room.

First of all what is a sweatshop?

A sweatshop is a factory where workers are subject to extreme exploitation, including super-low wages, no benefits, filthy or dangerous working conditions and denial of their worker and human rights. Workers in sweatshops typically work 12 hours a day for around 75p. They are frequently forced to do overtime and then not payed for it.

When the workers try to organize unions to demand better conditions, they are often threatened, beaten, and fired instantly. Sweatshops also frequently include other worker abuses such as child labor, dangerous and unsanitary working conditions, long working hours, sexual abuse, beatings and humiliation for mistakes. Most of the clothing, footwear and a significant portion of many other products that we buy are made in sweatshops in LEDC's such as Ghana, and even in China.

The temperature inside the sweatshop was on the verge of 100 degrees Fahrenheit, the humidity was high and Many of the workers were suffering from AIDS and/or Malaria. The conditions were unbearable and the place smelled of stale sweat.

We spoke to one of the workers, Delu, and she said “We may have to work in the most unbearable conditions sometimes but for some this is the only way to make a living for their families.” Delu is right. For some, especially the uneducated, this is the only way to make a living. Despite the unsanitary conditions and unbearable heat and stench, many people are happy working in these places.

As said above children are also made to work in these places, when they should be getting an education to avoid working in these places when they are older.

Sweatshops are a big dilemma in third-world nations as they are dangerous, unsanitary and unhealthy but yet provide money for families living in LEDC's. The pay they get is not very much, granted, but it still buys them enough food to scrape by. So I think the question is, what should we do about them?

In my opinion the answer to that question is: We need to up the standards of sweatshops by having health inspectors inspecting them regularly; having up to date equipment; and more space. I also believe they should get more pay, as they are putting in all the effort by making the products but then getting the least pay.

To summarize, sweatshops are unsanitary, unhealthy and dangerous, but yet provide families with money to buy food and are necessary in the current economic climate. The standards of these work places needs to be improved the wage needs to rise and the workers need to be given their human rights, working rights and most of all their dignity back.

Very good, I just want to point out two things

One, I wasn't aware of what the LEDC was, so I looked it up, but you might want to mention the meaning of this

Second is to avoid words like 'super'

thanks for reading it and i will take that into account

Not bad, FG, but it's not in newspaper style.

The "first of all, what is?" thing is more like school, or magazines.

Newspaper writers generally don't put themselves in the picture, "We spoke to"... their whole idea is that they are some objective font of anonymous information, sort of. And they don't say "Yeah, she's right." They lay out the quote and perhaps have a counter-quote from somebody else.

Delu, who supports five children by working twelve hours a day in a factory that produces counterfeit Gucci handbags, says, “We work in the most unbearable conditions but for some this is the only way to make a living for their families.”

Then there's usually something like.

Honroo Chanc, who oversees the factory floor, dismisses the "unbearable" allegations, however. "We provide what the government requires," he says, "We get 20 applicants for every opening. Our factory is the largest payroll in this town and without us these people would find life truly unbearable."

This is the "balance" or "reaction" quote and it's important for a story to have it so it will read as news, rather than propoganda.

Or some such.

And your lead, as I mentioned, tells all:

As public awareness of offshore "sweatshops" increases in the wake of publicity surrounding Oprah Winfrey, Madonna and Dakota Fanning having their fashion lines manufactured under these conditions, 25 workers in one Ghana assembly plant work are crowded into a shed the size of a large closet.

"Sweatshops", a popular term for factories in which.....

I think if you check out a newspaper with an eye to style, you're going to see something more like that than the breezy webpage style you've used.

This learning to pick up and emulate style is extremely important in writing, particularly commercial writing.

thanks, the wrong writer, i thought this had quite a casual aproach style or one that is not used in artical writing ant thats why i put it pn her, so thankyou