Thread: If I were to write a suicide note...

I AM NOT SUICIDAL, AT ALL!!! I was just wondering if I were to write a suicide note, what I would put on it, so I sat down in front of the keyboard and just wrote out every thought. I don't even know why I'm posting this here, honestly...I think I'm going crazy. I'm losing my mind. I guess I just wanted someone to read this. I don't know what's happening to me.

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Dear humanity,

I’m not sure how much longer I can take the thoughtlessness and fakeness of society. Honestly, I can’t say that I care if these notes are ever read. I’m truly not sure if anyone in the world has the unfiltered mind capacity to understand them, the way they’re meant to be understood. I know that I’m young. I’m not a fool. I know that everyone is going to throw the meaning of these writings into the back of their minds and just tell themselves that I’m too young to know what I’m talking about, rather than even contemplate the possibility that these thoughts are even somewhat sensible, regardless of who’s written them. The truth of the matter is than when you’re young, you have more of a crystal clear view of reality than when you’re older. For some reason, almost everyone shares this misconception that you have to be around for a longer time to truly understand the big picture of the world. Wrong. The longer you’re around, the more blind you become. Your mind filters out all the truthfulness little by little. You find yourself doing what you do not because you think you should, but because others think you should. You fall into a hypnosis. Money, sex, a big house and children are all considered the mandatory. But what is so great about being this icon? What is so great about not struggling? Struggling is what makes humanity humanity. So many people walk around with a completely numb soul. They wake up, read the paper, drive to work, come home, eat dinner, watch television, go pick their kids up from soccer practice, pay their bills, make idle conversation with their wife, then go to sleep, and repeat the process. And they pretend that they are interested in it all, because they want to be interested in it all. And when enough people conform to the practice of acting out their lives, the sooner it becomes an untouchable error in the building of a society. It’s too late to go back and fix it because you’re too far down the road. So many people have come to accept this as the only real way to live. The fact of the matter is that it’s the farthest thing from living. Struggling is living. Hurting is living. A little hurt never hurt anyone. When you allow yourself to admit to yourself that you are nothing, you become something. You become the far more advanced species that humanity was supposed to be. People just won’t do this because they don’t think they’ll get anything in return. They’re wrong. You find yourself. You become your true self. People just can’t see this possibility because they’ve become so fake! It’s never ending circle. As of now, everybody is a fake. When I go to school, I see teenagers telling each other about all of the drugs they’ve done, and all of the girl’s they’ve had relationships with, and the sad thing about it all is that I know the only reason they’ve done these things is so that they could tell everyone about it, and feel like they’ve done what was expected of them. Our parents raise us with the idea that friends are good, that we need friends, that friends are the only way to go, that everyone needs a friend. But what are friends? They’re the result of how we mislead ourselves. We grow up thinking that friends are an absolute must because that’s what our parents tell us, and our teachers tell us, but why is that a law of nature? What’s so wrong with being alone. Nobody knows you better than yourself. You’re true with yourself. You don’t need to lie to yourself that you’ve smoked pot so that you won’t be looked down upon as uncool. You don’t need to lie to yourself that you’re not a virgin so that you won’t be looked at as strange. You don’t need to lie to yourself that you care about your religion so that you’ll feel like a good person. Drugs aren’t important, girls aren’t important, and you can’t base your life off a book. Believe in a higher power out there or don’t believe in a higher power, or be unsure. If there is a god, he can’t be mad at you for being truthful. But don’t say you don’t believe in god simply because you’re unhappy with your life. There are fortunate people and there are unfortunate people. It’s selfish and immature to not believe simply because you fell into the latter. The world wasn’t created specifically for you, and you have to accept that, and stop moping around for attention. Get over yourself. There are people who are blessed, even if they don’t deserve to be blessed. That should be reason enough to believe. It’s wrong to decide you don’t believe. It’s not something you can decide. You’re just born that way. Suicide is a way out when you don’t think you have any other choice. I can’t stand when people say it’s the “easy way out”. Suicide is the most difficult thing for a person to do. It’s giving up everything. Suicide is the result of what society’s become. We’ve put this fairytale glaze over everything that we don’t like, and suddenly the expectations skyrocket and we’re devastated when things don’t go fairly. Well, fairness is pure fantasy. Nothing is ever fair. If we could be told that form a young age, all problems would fade away, slowly, but it would it would happen. Expectation is the building blocks of all problems in the world.
Does seeing the world in a different light make me weird? I guess so. Does it make me crazy, how out of the ordinary it is? Yes. Insanity is the only sensible logic out there. That’s what’s become of our kind.

I read this....and I will respond by PM but I will say this.....study hard, travel the world and enjoy the simple things....you don't have to have friends if you choose not to, Panic.....you don't have to marry and have kids.....but you do have to live with yourself.....be kind to yourself and kind to others.....

I don't know what age you are, but can you really be so certain that you know more about yourself when your young than when you're older? You haven't experienced being that older person yet.

Don't know about other members here, but I feel like a different person to the one I was between 18 and 23. It's only very recently that I've figured out what I want and that I'm ok with being the person I am.

hope you don't find that patronizing because I remember thinking people were talking crap when they told me the same thing.

EDIT: as you probably wont read this anyway, I should just delete it...but I won't on the off-chance you get curious about responses

Originally Posted by panicnight26

The longer you’re around, the more blind you become. You’re mind filters out all the truthfulness little by little. You find yourself doing what you do not because you think you should, but because others think you should.

You couldn't be more wrong. It may seem that when people get older, they throw away their childish dreams and "fall into a hypnosis," as you put it, but what the fuck do you know about it? It's so easy to take a misanthropic view of society. I personally have some of the same thoughts you do about the 'American Dream' (or its international equivalent), and I too have been tempted to time and time again sell out and become another money-humping consumer bent on pollution and overpopulation. But I haven't. Can you honestly believe that every single person out there represents the majority? There are dissenters in every corner, and we're creating change.

They wake up, read the paper, drive to work, come home, eat dinner, watch television, go pick their kids up from soccer practice, pay their bills, make idol conversation with their wife, then go to sleep, and repeat the process.

Just because this is what you observe in your life and it hasn't changed yet doesn't mean that 1) this routine represents everyone and 2) that it won't ever change. Some people dwell in routine, others thrive on spontaneous action. Don't be brainwashed into thinking that if someone is doing what you consider to be an appalling robotic routine that you have to do it too. You have a choice to life your own life in a different manner. And be thankful that you do, because a lot of people don't. They live under harsh governments or religions and aren't afforded the luxuries of free will.

It’s too late to go back and fix it because you’re too far down the door.

Only fatalists think in such terms. It's never too late to change.

I'd go on to comment about this and that from your argument towards suicide, but why should I waste any more time? I don't want to convince you either way. I'm the fake one here, and as a rule mannequins don't talk.

Only fatalists think in such terms. It's never too late to change.

so true!

Originally Posted by Mike

You couldn't be more wrong. It may seem that when people get older, they throw away their childish dreams and "fall into a hypnosis," as you put it, but what the fuck do you know about it? It's so easy to take a misanthropic view of society. I personally have some of the same thoughts you do about the 'American Dream' (or its international equivalent), and I too have been tempted to time and time again sell out and become another money-humping consumer bent on pollution and overpopulation. But I haven't. Can you honestly believe that every single person out there represents the majority? There are dissenters in every corner, and we're creating change.



Just because this is what you observe in your life and it hasn't changed yet doesn't mean that 1) this routine represents everyone and 2) that it won't ever change. Some people dwell in routine, others thrive on spontaneous action. Don't be brainwashed into thinking that if someone is doing what you consider to be an appalling robotic routine that you have to do it too. You have a choice to life your own life in a different manner. And be thankful that you do, because a lot of people don't. They live under harsh governments or religions and aren't afforded the luxuries of free will.



Only fatalists think in such terms. It's never too late to change.

I'd go on to comment about this and that from your argument towards suicide, but why should I waste any more time? I don't want to convince you either way. I'm the fake one here, and as a rule mannequins don't talk.

I don't have a misanthrope view. I believe in humanity SO much, I believe that we're capable of SO much, which is exactly why I'm so concerned. I believe we're being held back. I think everything that society has put into the minds of youth carries out and strengthens as we get older. As you get older, I believe you lose sight of the world. I respect you and I don't even know you, but I believe you have faults the same way most people do. What bothers me is how people are always saying 'well nobody is perfect'. It's not difficult to be perfect. You don't have to work hard and be polite, make everyone love you and be nice to your parents to be perfect. You just have to be real. I'm 16. I can't stand my parents. I have a mediocre GPA. I in no way have taken any action towards respecting my religion. I'm rude to some people. I'm nice to some people that, according to society, I shouldn't be being nice to. But all of these flaws make me real, they make me a real person. Because I am who I am. There are a lot of good things about me too. I make people laugh, I befriend outcasts, I give money to charity, I go to hunger centers, I listen to people that can't get anyone to listen to them...
But I don't believe that I need to get a steady job and good home and a wife and all of that crap to be happy. I could live in my cousins basement and be happy. It's not all about me. All anyone cares about are themselves. If I could die right now, to save the life a person, a completely random person, if I had no idea who they were, how old they were, the kind of person they were, I would still die for them. Because even if it turned out to be useless, I still did it. I was still willing to do it and I carried it out. I wouldn't mind it.
Have you ever read the novel "Into the Wild" by Jon Krakauer? I guess the character in the novel is sort of like me. We share a lot of insight and the world. I'm sure you've read Catcher in the Rye. I enjoyed that novel as well.
All I'm saying is that having knowledge of something that isn't real doesn't make you more knowledgeable in any sense. I believe in people. I believe there are some people out there as you've described, but they are disappearing, and pretty quickly.

Originally Posted by panicnight26

I was just wondering if I were to write a suicide note, what I would put on it, so I sat down in front of the keyboard and just wrote out every thought. I don't even know why I'm posting this here, honestly...I think I'm going crazy. I'm losing my mind. I guess I just wanted someone to read this. I probably won't even be reading the critiques if there are any...I don't know what's happening to me.

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Dear humanity,

I’m not sure how much longer I can take the thoughtlessness and fakeness of society. Honestly, I can’t say that I care if these notes are ever read. I’m truly not sure if anyone in the world has the unfiltered mind capacity to understand them, the way they’re meant to be understood. I know that I’m young. I’m not a fool. I know that everyone is going to throw the meaning of these writings into the back of their minds and just tell themselves that I’m too young to know what I’m talking about, rather than even contemplate the possibility that these thoughts are even somewhat sensible, regardless of who’s written them. The truth of the matter is than when you’re young, you have more of a crystal clear view of reality than when you’re older. For some reason, almost everyone shares this misconception that you have to be around for a longer time to truly understand the big picture of the world. Wrong. The longer you’re around, the more blind you become. You’re mind filters out all the truthfulness little by little. You find yourself doing what you do not because you think you should, but because others think you should. You fall into a hypnosis. Money, sex, a big house and children are all considered the mandatory. But what is so great about being this icon? What is so great about not struggling? Struggling is what makes humanity humanity. So many people walk around with a completely numb soul. They wake up, read the paper, drive to work, come home, eat dinner, watch television, go pick their kids up from soccer practice, pay their bills, make idol conversation with their wife, then go to sleep, and repeat the process. And they pretend that they are interested in it all, because they want to be interested in it all. And when enough people conform to the practice of acting out their lives, the sooner it becomes an untouchable error in the building of a society. It’s too late to go back and fix it because you’re too far down the road. So many people have come to accept this as the only real way to live. The fact of the matter is that it’s the farthest thing from living. Struggling is living. Hurting is living. A little hurt never hurt anyone. When you allow yourself to admit to yourself that you are nothing, you become something. You become the far more advanced species that humanity was supposed to be. People just won’t do this because they don’t think they’ll get anything in return. They’re wrong. You find yourself. You become your true self. People just can’t see this possibility because they’ve become so fake! It’s never ending circle. As of now, everybody is a fake. When I go to school, I see teenagers telling each other about all of the drugs they’ve done, and all of the girl’s they’ve had relationships with, and the sad thing about it all is that I know the only reason they’ve done these things is so that they could tell everyone about it, and feel like they’ve done what was expected of them. Our parents raise us with the idea that friends are good, that we need friends, that friends are the only way to go, that everyone needs a friend. But what are friends? They’re the result of how we mislead ourselves. We grow up thinking that friends are an absolute must because that’s what our parents tell us, and our teachers tell us, but why is that a law of nature? What’s so wrong with being alone. Nobody knows you better than yourself. You’re true with yourself. You don’t need to lie to yourself that you’ve smoked pot so that you won’t be looked down upon as uncool. You don’t need to lie to yourself that you’re not a virgin so that you won’t be looked at as strange. You don’t need to lie to yourself that you care about your religion so that you’ll feel like a good person. Drugs aren’t important, girls aren’t important, and you can’t base your life off a book. Believe in a higher power out there or don’t believe in a higher power, or be unsure. If there is a god, he can’t be mad at you for being truthful. But don’t say you don’t believe in god simply because you’re unhappy with your life. There are fortunate people and there are unfortunate people. It’s selfish and immature to not believe simply because you fell into the latter. The world wasn’t created specifically for you, and you have to accept that, and stop moping around for attention. Get over yourself. There are people who are blessed, even if they don’t deserve to be blessed. That should be reason enough to believe. It’s wrong to decide you don’t believe. It’s not something you can decide. You’re just born that way. Suicide is a way out when you don’t think you have any other choice. I can’t stand when people say it’s the “easy way out”. Suicide is the most difficult thing for a person to do. It’s giving up everything. Suicide is the result of what society’s become. We’ve put this fairytale glaze over everything that we don’t like, and suddenly the expectations skyrocket and we’re devastated when things don’t go fairly. Well, fairness is pure fantasy. Nothing is ever fair. If we could be told that form a young age, all problems would fade away, slowly, but it would it would happen. Expectation is the building blocks of all problems in the world.
Does seeing the world in a different light make me weird? I guess so. Does it make me crazy, how out of the ordinary it is? Yes. Insanity is the only sensible logic out there. That’s what’s become of our kind.

I love the idealism of youth, but lament the grandiose, myopic nonsense the young often embrace, like nearly every line of this piece.

What this stuff boils down to is blind, gutless narcissism. It is the powerless wailing of someone angry and ready to check out because they are too visionless and unimaginative to see that family and friends are matters of choice, and that the only sane choice is connection over isolation.

Family and friends are worthwhile, at least to those that are worthwhile to them. That generally leaves out the suicidal, as they, when that veneer is stripped off, are usually quite useless to anyone.

It seems that some people just can't handle being disappointed by some of life's disappointments; some are devastated when they look at life, with all it's admitted imperfections, and see nothing but the mirrored image of their own ugliness. It is a matter of poor vision, not the fake cleverness of the young nilist who imagines, for whatever reason, they have it all figured out.

My take on the bottom line? Boo fucking hoo. Hand 'em two dollars and directions to the drug store, complete with a map on where the razor blades are and a didactic on how to cut their wrists good and proper.

If they don't want to live, let them get out of the way for someone who does.

Better than than hear them drone on like out of tune pipe organ about the thoughtlessness and fakeness of society. Nothing could be more thoughtless and phony than "poor me, the world isn't what it should be, I think I'll make anyone stupid enough to care about me wonder for the rest of their lives why I did it, or if there was something they should have done."

There are expections. The really trapped and abused, the terminally suffering, that have my sympathy.

To end a life on such flimsy, immature reasoning, conjures not my sorrows at their passing, but my relief.

I've read both those books. I read "Into the Wild" for the first time when I was actually in the wild, as in living in the backcountry for six months. I read the "Catcher in the Rye" when I was about your age too. I know perfectly well what it's like to be an isolationist, to be young and think you've painted the world in such a perfect shade of grey.

I'll say to you this: Grow up. Get real.

You tell me of all those real things you do as if no one else has thought them up. You tell me that you know of the potentials of society and that you want to end your life. Well fuck you. You're the one letting us down. Where do you think leaders come from? How do you think change happens?

You're basing your existance on what you see happening to you, on the mirrors of the people around you. That's conventional intrapersonal communication for you. Do you think that the people you are so apt at judging aren't also judging you in the same fashion?

You say you see people out there as I've described, those dissenters of society, and yet you label them as fake, as a dying breed. Here's why they're dying: they give up, just like you want to. And the ones who remain have to work harder and convince young fools - you know, the ones who will supposedly make the world better one day - that not all is lost.

Originally Posted by Mike

I've read both those books. I read "Into the Wild" for the first time when I was actually in the wild, as in living in the backcountry for six months. I read the "Catcher in the Rye" when I was about your age too. I know perfectly well what it's like to be an isolationist, to be young and think you've painted the world in such a perfect shade of grey.

I'll say to you this: Grow up. Get real.

You tell me of all those real things you do as if no one else has thought them up. You tell me that you know of the potentials of society and that you want to end your life. Well fuck you. You're the one letting us down. Where do you think leaders come from? How do you think change happens?

You're basing your existance on what you see happening to you, on the mirrors of the people around you. That's conventional intrapersonal communication for you. Do you think that the people you are so apt at judging aren't also judging you in the same fashion?

You say you see people out there as I've described, those dissenters of society, and yet you label them as fake, as a dying breed. Here's why they're dying: they give up, just like you want to. And the ones who remain have to work harder and convince young fools - you know, the ones who will supposedly make the world better one day - that not all is lost.

In no way did I say I want to end my life. I said that I simply WOULD die for someone else, not that I want to. I have never so much as contemplated suicide. And I have faith in humanity, I just believe there's a problem we need to fix before we can get anywhere. People like you are part of this problem, who don't have the mind capacity to actually comprehend that you have a problem. No, instead you just look at the negative words and automatically think to yourself "can't be right, the guy must just be stubborn and a jerk". It's easy to pass something by as just being too negative when you don't want it to be true.
On what was meant to be a thread based on constructive personal thoughts, you decide to come and flame "fuck you", "you're wrong". I was respecting you and your own personal views on the world until you thrashed out due to to the simple fact that someone doesn't have the same close minded outlook on everything that you do. You are the immature one here who needs to "grow up" and "get real". I have no interest in hearing from you anymore. If you would please not respond to this, I would appreciate it.

_ Matt

Originally Posted by Lester Burnham

I love the idealism of youth, but lament the grandiose, myopic nonsense the young often embrace, like nearly every line of this piece.

What this stuff boils down to is blind, gutless narcissism. It is the powerless wailing of someone angry and ready to check out because they are too visionless and unimaginative to see that family and friends are matters of choice, and that the only sane choice is connection over isolation.

Family and friends are worthwhile, at least to those that are worthwhile to them. That generally leaves out the suicidal, as they, when that veneer is stripped off, are usually quite useless to anyone.

It seems that some people just can't handle being disappointed by some of life's disappointments; some are devastated when they look at life, with all it's admitted imperfections, and see nothing but the mirrored image of their own ugliness. It is a matter of poor vision, not the fake cleverness of the young nilist who imagines, for whatever reason, they have it all figured out.

My take on the bottom line? Boo fucking hoo. Hand 'em two dollars and directions to the drug store, complete with a map on where the razor blades are and a didactic on how to cut their wrists good and proper.

If they don't want to live, let them get out of the way for someone who does.

Better than than hear them drone on like out of tune pipe organ about the thoughtlessness and fakeness of society. Nothing could be more thoughtless and phony than "poor me, the world isn't what it should be, I think I'll make anyone stupid enough to care about me wonder for the rest of their lives why I did it, or if there was something they should have done."

There are expections. The really trapped and abused, the terminally suffering, that have my sympathy.

To end a life on such flimsy, immature reasoning, conjures not my sorrows at their passing, but my relief.

I am not suicidal at all. I understand that my description of this writing was misleading in that sense. I won't lash out you about your critisism because I truly do think it makes sense, if you were saying it to a suicidal person. When I wrote this, I wasn't in the best mental health, and I should have made it more clear that I am not in any way contemplating suicide.
But I do think you're very intelligent and what you wrote would make sense if I were suicidal.

Now this is really making me laugh. Your argument is so full of contradictions I don't even know where to start. You can edit your original post all you like. I'll have to agree with Lester here; this is just another case of teenage narcissim. The only reason I'm responding, is because I hope to get you out of that peek-a-boo stage of childhood; just because you don't see it, doesn't mean it's not there.

I'd really like you to demonstrate 1) if/how I'm so close-minded and 2) why that is a good/bad thing. Simply calling someone close-minded doesn't prove a thing. It actually proves that you're the one who doesn't comprehend or, as you delicately put it, 'have the mind capacity to understand....'

People like you are part of this problem, who don't have the mind capacity to actually comprehend that you have a problem. No, instead you just look at the negative words and automatically think to yourself "can't be right, the guy must just be stubborn and a jerk".

You don't know me. No one here does. So, let me tell you that when I declare you're wrong, I really believe you to be wrong and nothing you've said yet has convinced me otherwise. It's not to say that you won't convince me in the future. (Also, starting at what you said here and rambling off towards the end, it didn't really make a lot of sense. I mean, grammatical sense. Maybe you were just tired or angry or full of that good ol' teenage angst, but I couldn't really follow. Sorry. )

Personally I think that you ran up against one of those moments where you had to vent all your frustrations and insecurities or else be faced to look at them for one more day on the inside. Unfortunately, you vented them in the wrong place: you vented them to the mob! Oh what sympathy will you get! Oh what names you can call those who dare oppose you! Maybe if just one of us was "real" enough, we could convince you that there really are butterflies and rainbows and all the pretty shiny things the world has been hiding from you. But that's not what (I assume) you're looking for. You're looking for something to confirm your self-assuring delusions, and where better to look but in the land of annonymity?

Originally Posted by panicnight26

I am not suicidal at all. I understand that my description of this writing was misleading in that sense. I won't lash out you about your critisism because I truly do think it makes sense, if you were saying it to a suicidal person. When I wrote this, I wasn't in the best mental health, and I should have made it more clear that I am not in any way contemplating suicide.
But I do think you're very intelligent and what you wrote would make sense if I were suicidal.

I appreciate you saying that. Understand that when I responded, I didn't do so at you but at the dramatis personae of the piece. I really didn't infer that you were suicidal. I suspected perhaps, but chose to react to the writing rather than you.

But it does make me wonder what the real point here is supposed to be. I am wondering if you posted this for critique or analysis; neither or both?

Originally Posted by Lester Burnham

I appreciate you saying that. Understand that when I responded, I didn't do so at you but at the dramatis personae of the piece. I really didn't infer that you were suicidal. I suspected perhaps, but chose to react to the writing rather than you.

But it does make me wonder what the real point here is supposed to be. I am wondering if you posted this for critique or analysis; neither or both?

I posted it because I was having a mental breakdown and thought of the quickest place I could get it somewhere that it would be read.

Originally Posted by panicnight26

I posted it because I was having a mental breakdown and thought of the quickest place I could get it somewhere that it would be read.

Well, despite my acerbic launch at the words, I do hope it passes quickly.

** Resurrection! **

[writing critique]

What a block! Formatting, formatting, formatting. You'll find that artful formatting not only makes it (WAAAAY) easier to read, but can punctuate your points, highlight certain thoughts, and completely control the pacing of the piece. Listen to the little voice in your head that reads aloud (in your mind) when you read.

[/writing critique]

I know you're not serious about self-destructing, but you're sensing a turning point that is bringing the paths of our culture into a really hard light. There are a LOT of zombies out there, and there's not much you can do about it. Right now, you're really bothered by their presence, the oppressiveness of their numb ridiculousness, and you're threatened by the fear of becoming one of them.

You can, of course, choose to not be one of them, train your brain and expand your mind, and live above them. When I was about 18, I sensed something big on the horizon (didn't understand what it was at the time), and chose the path of ... well ... following my own path. You'll have to learn to not be bothered by the stupidity all around you, though. The purpose of life is to enjoy your life--don't let them bring you down.

Learn philosophy. Philosophy is the map of understanding the world you're presented with and how to live by your convictions. Read Ayn Rand. That's a great start.

And you're right about a lot of 'experienced' adults not knowing shit and filling their heads full of filters. That's not the human condition, though. That's their choice through their own weaknesses (and lack of personal philosophy). And it's not the world--the world's different. It's just here where our culture is spiraling down the drain through a self-blinding orgy of moral greyness, lack of conviction, and over-tolerance. Each culture has its own ways ... and its own problems. You can always choose to shun the self-defeating filters, take what you want, and leave the rest.

Good luck.