Thread: Chosing a nursery or playgroup

Choosing you child’s nursery or play-group is the first educational decision most parents make, unless their put their name down for Eton before they were born.

Whilst it may be expedient to book into your local one-o’clock club, mother and toddler group or playgroup initially there are things that bear consideration. This will be your child’s first experience socialising outside the home and may colour their view of the outside world for some time to come.

Even before you see how the group operates there are things you can consider, for example is this a large concern or a very small group

There are good things, bad things and some things that are simply different about a small nursery. For example the small number of staff leaves no room for leeway. If there are twenty children and six staff and a member of staff is taken ill it means there is still a one to four ratio, staff to children.

If on the other there are ten children and three staff although the initial staff child ratio is the same it approaches crisis if a staff member is suddenly absent. Not only is the child staff ratio down to five to one but if a child requires the full attention of a staff member, a not infrequent occurrence if some are still in nappies, then the remaining staff member is left supervising nine children

To a very small child ten children is a lot of children, probably as many, or more, than they have met all at once before. Three staff is some grown-ups, but few enough that they will not quickly get to know them as individuals. Twenty children is more than a birthday party and six is a lot of grown-up strangers, it can take a child some time to come to terms with so many people. Any decent group will be happy for you to remain for at least the first visit and observe what happens.

I say this because, while it is undoubtedly true that you know your child better than any-one else, you cannot know all about them. In a situation that has never happened before no-one can tell for certain what their reaction will be. Faced with a large group many children are quite capable of singling out, and interacting with, a much smaller sub group that they feel comfortable with, and totally ignoring the rest.

The child who suffers is the one whose parent knows best for them before they get the chance to try things for themselves, The one who thrives is the one whose attentive parent allows them to take chances whilst observing closely enough to avert mishap or effect rescue when needed. The line between suffocating and hard, uncaring is a surprisingly fine one to tread seen from inside.
I have know a number of parents who have reported, “He plunged straight into it and never even looked back at me”. This often appears to be a source of pride for fathers and regret for mothers, I am not sure that either reaction is appropriate.

Firstly, that the child is not paying you direct attention is not to say that they are unaware of your continued presence.
Secondly, wrapped in emotion they are missing a valuable opportunity to observe the ethos of the group.
As parents we are used to organising and doing things for our children, the job of a pre-school group is different. They are preparing the children for the school situation where things will not be done for them.
For example, going outside in winter staff should be checking children have their coats buttoned and boots on the right feet, it is important for them if they are going to feel comfortable.

Staff should not be taking over, buttoning coats and putting on boots as a parent might, you may “know” your child cannot manage, their job is to help them learn to manage.
This applies in any interaction between staff and child, taking over is the quick and easy method of getting things done, but like most expedients it will probably not benefit the child much in the long run. In short, look for a group that cares for children by teaching them independence rather than dependence.

Listen to the way staff talk to children, adults often seem omniscient to very small children, which means that a simple statement can become a self fulfilling prophesy. In itself this is neither good nor bad, it depends on the prophesy .
“You will be good” or “You won’t be naughty”

In a similar vein of suggestibility it is easy to tell a child to do something by telling them not to. As an illustration If I were to say “don’t think about a man waving a flag” most people would have to create the image first to cancel it out. Similarly “Carry it carefully” is much more likely to achieve the desired result than “Don’t spill it”
Good assistants in well run groups adopt such ways of talking so naturally you may not be aware unless you listen for it, but it is worth paying attention.

Ask how your child got on when you are not there anymore and expect specific answers, they should be paying enough attention to give them. Not all groups are the same, nor all children, a good group is as interested in the child being in the right place as they are in keeping numbers up and should tell you if they think your child is not fitting in.

This is the beginning of the vigilance you need to be a good parent, get the practice started early and don’t take your eye off the ball, good luck.