Thread: To one far away

(I've tried pretty much everything else like poetry, fiction, short stories and are working on some lyrics, so here's something I'm not sure where to put. I guess non-fiction would be best as it isn't really a story. And don't worry, I am happily engaged and getting married next summer.)



~ To one far away ~

This is difficult for me to write, so please bear with me. I have given this a lot of thought and rewritten it more times than there are letters here... and right now I'm not even sure if I am going to let you read it... If you are reading this, it's only because I see no other way to tell you...

I love you with all my heart and know you love me at least as much, and we are doing everything we can to be together... I would like nothing more than to be your beloved husband, even if that's on paper only and we live together for the rest of our lives as just friends. That's how much you mean to me. I love you more than life itself. I even promised to go through dialysis just for you, if I had to. I know I would die if my kidney failed and I didn't go to the hospital, but I don't care. I had no life before you and don't think I will ever get one without you.

But that's the problem. My life is a nightmare. I can't go through dialysis again, and that is exactly what you are asking me to do. Not literally as in going to the hospital, of course, but the mental stress is at least as bad. Right now it's worse, as I knew dialysis was going to end one day. I don't know if your marriage is... All I know is you will maybe go through with the divorce this time, but you refuse to give me an answer until early January. That's several months of not knowing... And that's only because I pushed you. If I hadn't, you wouldn't have answered me until you are ready. March? June? November?

I can't deal with that... I just can't... I need to know you are going through with the divorce and will talk to him about it in January like you said you would (preferably a lot sooner...), and I need to know as soon as possible. Not for you, but for me. You worry about my health? I worry about my sanity. Its in a much worse condition right now...

Please don't answer to this now, just... *sigh* just think about it. I am not trying to push you in any direction or tell you what to do. I just want you to know everything and the truth about how I feel, so you can make up your mind. Who do you want to be with? The tyrant who controls your life and won't even let you eat whenever you want? The bastard you have to ask permission so you can eat in your room? You are his wife, not his daughter... At least he doesn't hurt you physically (other than when he demands sex, even though you are in pain every time).
Or do you want to be with the guy you sent the old silver ring to, the ring that you said is worthless to the world, but priceless to you? The guy have promised to make you happy every day? You even agreed to move to another country with me, if that was what it took for us to be together. What changed?

We have said many times that what happens to one happens to the other. I meant it, and I hope you did... You asked me to be strong for you, and I can. I am doing everything I can and have pushed myself far beyond what I thought was my metal limit. You can't have both of us... I can't be your second choice...

I think I can wait until early January... I just can't promise it... I can't relax until I know you will go through with the divorce... I know you have a lot of things to make sure of like your family, leaving the city and all that, and I will help you as best I can, my love... But I need to know you will be there for me... I need to know you are serious about us and that you are willing to fight for us... Yes, the divorce will be tough, but it will be tough the next time too, and the next time, and the next time... The difference is it will be tough now, but I will be there for you and help you as best I can. I can't promise I will be there next time if you call the divorce off again...

Let me ask you three questions. And no, don't answer them. They are questions for you, not for me... How many times have you and him talk about a divorce before you met me? Why did you talk about the divorce? And last, what kept you from going through with it?

I guess in the end, I can do whatever it takes and wait as long as it takes to be with you, but only if you promise me you are serious about us and really do your best to be with me... Neither of us can do this alone, but we are in this together... I hope...

I can be strong for you... But can you be strong for me?

Aw, WriterDude... hugs for you.

Thanks! You didn't think it was a bit too much? I suck at writing romance and all that...

She doesn't deserve you. Cheating and divorces... sounds messy. But you are nice, and deserve someone whose attention and love is not divided. Of course, I don't know the whole situation.

You did see the "And don't worry, I am happily engaged and getting married next summer." part?

This isn't a real story, but based on several stories I've experienced over the years. Just wasn't sure where to put it. It's technically fiction based on a series of true events, yet doesn't have a story or anything. It's not a short story, not really fiction, I don't need critics or advice, it's not poetry, it's not lyrics...I had to put it here or in the loungue, so I guess this place was as good as any.