Thread: The Death of Chivalry

I was twelve years old in 1969, but as my experience on the party scene was limited, I still remember it with some clarity. We were in Viet-Nam, landed on the moon, America rocked at Woodstock, and the universities were in a state of chaos that would lead to the Kent State shootings a year later. Draft cards and the occasional city went up in flames.

There was also a lot of pissed off women. They took to the streets with everyone else, demanding their rightful place in the world of men. Rumors were spreading that women were burning their bras, but near as I could tell they just quit wearing them. That left me, as a pubescent boy, a doggedly staunch supporter of women’s liberation. But, I digress.

Fast forward four decades and women have made their mark. They are out pacing men in education from first grade to college. Their earnings, despite some phony stats to the contrary, are on par with men for the same work. Women are doing everything from brain surgery to flying warplanes, and by all accounts they’re doing well. It was a staggeringly impressive journey; from victimization to victory in forty years. I doubt the world has ever seen anything like it.

Ah, but there is a catch.

The halls of power, if seems, are not so hallowed from the inside. Despite the myth, breadwinners don’t win, they just work, often in jobs they hate alongside people they would rather shoot than talk to. And becoming a provider isn’t a ticket to freedom. Approach any number of single mothers that struggle daily to keep their nose above water right next to men and offer up a chorus of “You’ve Come a Long Way, Baby,” or “I am Woman,” and see how fast they spit in your eye.

One is prone to change their definition of power with the weight of the world on their back, especially when they can hear their spine cracking under the pressure. The horrid, buckling sound is quite distinctive. Women are hearing it more and more often as they catch up to men in stress related disease, depression, alcoholism, violence, feeling trapped in the corporate cage and most other not so benign perks of life in the rat race.

Does this mean women yearn for life in the fifties, scouring floors and spitting out children? I think not. But there is a growing nostalgia born of the realities of all this ersatz freedom and power. In the past ten years or so it has taken the form of a simple question.

Whatever happened to chivalry?

The simplistic way to put it is to say that with equality there is no chivalry. Chivalry is a decidedly unequal set of traditions. It extends far past opening doors and offering up seats. By its very nature, chivalry demands that men stand ready to sacrifice life and limb for the protection of women, and often to serve their whims.

It was one of those funny little rules that came with patriarchy. And since equality till something goes bump in the night is not really equality, it was only a matter of time till the tradition started to falter. Its demise was not intended by men any more than it was foreseen by women. It is just a natural consequence of the new sexual order.

But if you think it is dead and gone now, just wait. It is still practiced by old school men; namely the same ones that heard women’s demands forty years ago and acceded to all of them they could. Yes, liberation was the demand of feminism, but it was empowered by chivalry, and it will ultimately result in the death of both.

Old school men are on their way out. They will take with them the last of patriarchy and chivalry with it. They will be replaced by new school men, or what I like to call the “bitches and ho’s” generation. These are men raised with little or no concept of chivalry, and they have spent the better part of their young lives getting bashed and humiliated for being male.

It doesn’t take Carl Jung to figure out where their anger will ultimately be directed.

Regardless of social change, women still prefer to put men in the seats of power. A quick study of voter demographics and the sex ratio in government should illustrate this quite nicely. When the “bitches and ho’s” generation is in charge, coupled the emergence of men’s rights organizations and the natural shift in social attitudes, the time for concern will be real and visible.
It won’t take the form of a return to old style patriarchy, and reverting back to the exclusion of women from education and the workforce. There’s no squeezing that toothpaste back in the tube, and shouldn’t be.

What it will mean is that women will finally be given the equality they demanded so long ago. Which is to say it will be a step down.

Lop sided federal funding for women’s health issues? Gone. Gender specific monies for things like the V.A.W.A.? History. W.I.C. (women, infants and children) food subsidies? Get ready to see them include men, cutting the money to women. Male only selective service? Thing of the past. Women will be required to register for the draft, and they will find themselves in prison if they don’t comply.

The list goes on, but the point is that it was chivalry that created that list in the first place. No chivalry, no list.

And as the things on that very long list disappear, you will see a lot of outrage, and likely some very vocal recanting of feminist ideals. But it will be to late, and women will be finally and terminally yoked with the pinnacle of masculine traits.

Disposability.

I take no pleasure in this. And I find no lesson to be learned in it that will do any good. It is just the way things will be, and we have chivalry to thank as much as feminism.

Changing the world of women was a noble idea, but it was done with such a lack of foresight and intelligence that it will lead them right into a ditch, with no one there to chivalrously lend a hand out. It’s a pity.

All this happened, and will happen, because of one faulty paradigm that for some unknown reason, people still subscribe to. That is the “It’s a man's world” view of life.

That may be true for maybe the top 1%, generously. The rest of men work like dogs and die young. That anyone ever saw that as power is amazing.

Although I don't agree with much of what you've said, I thought this was a well written article and held my attention towards the end. That is a good thing, especially when the reader has little interest in the subject to begin with.

Now I wasn't around in the late 60's, so in your eyes I must be part of the 'bitches and ho's generation'. I never believed in laying down my life for a woman(come on, her pussy ain't that good) over laying down my life for a fellow man. If would only lay down my life for a woman in a situation where I would do the same for a man.

They're not the naive little ladies that are only interested in getting their hair done and buying matching shoes(for the most part) that you grew up with. Why should a man open a door for a woman(in a circumstance where he wouldn't open it for a man)? Give me one good reason. It doesn't show respect. As a man it shows not only arrogance, but a lack of dignity.

I do take a dislike to the recent male bashing however. A year ago on british television there was a show called "How to get your husband to heel". If we replaced the word 'husband' with 'wife' that show would never have been able to air. But I don't believe men will turn their aggression on women. These instances are allowed to take place because men don't mind. They buy into the lies they're the lower gender, whether because of their sex drive, apparent hard nature etc.

All it takes is for men to stop believing this nonsense and we'll naturally rise to an equal playing field(as equal as is possible in this world).

All in all, I enjoyed your article .

Thanks for the feedback, and the kind words. I may need to work on this a bit. I am not really lamenting the loss of chivalry as much as I am just trying to observe it.

Whether men of your generation produce the actual misogyny that has always been alledged by feminists about the men in mine remains to be seen. Either way it should be an interesting ride. Thanks again.

Oh, and I might add, I do think the tendency of men to buy into the lies about masculinity is proprtionate to their lack of interest in matters of gender politics.

Mostly well-written, in my humblest of opinions. But I think you missed the real point of the subject.

You spoke on the virtual disappearance of chivalry, and do so in a manner implying that chivalry, and any semblence of it, will fade away into the pages of history. That the old school men are dying off, and that chivalry will die off with them. I offer, sir, that such is not entirely the case. Not all young men and women these days are of the "bitches and ho's" mentality, although the label is indeed fitting to many, and your point is well made (I call them the "bling-infested", myself.).

To the contrary, there are scores of studious, industrious, resourceful and caring young men and women to be found throughout American society, and all around the globe today. It is into them which must be instilled a deeper sense of honor, respect, and all things "chivalrous". And it is to the old school men, not unlike myself, that this task falls.

As far as the sophomoric comment on the quality of sex having anything to do with chivalry: This person misses the entire point of chivalry itself. The point of being a Gentleman is simply to be a gentleman, for the sake of elevating oneself, and therefore society, above animal-like behavior. Anyone can be an ass. But only a gentleman can be, chivalrous.

Besides, being a gentleman, being polite, and being respectful, will get the attention of a higher class of women anyway. Perhaps that's why the quality was lacking for you in the first place.

Good observation, though, and very interesting.

John.