Thread: A Modest Proposal

Warning: If you have not read "A Modest Proposal" by Jonathan Swift, do not read this essay. Don't even bother. I am telling you now, it will most likely either not make sense and/or be offensive.

That said, in an English class we were supposed to write our own modest proposals. I turned this in, and he hasn't graded them yet. Anyways, I'm curious to see what you all think. You may be brutal, I don't mind.

(By the way, I just picked Chicago because it is a large city I have visited and am familiar with. Please don't be offended if you live there (or if you are upset that I didn't pick yours!))
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It’s heart breaking to see individuals standing on street corners or following others around begging for money in cities such as Chicago. Some are simply down on their luck; others are the unfortunate victims of alcohol, drugs, or broken families. Whatever brought them to where they are, I believe most of us would like to see them off the streets doing something productive for society. Not only do they need food and clothing, but also a roof over their heads and work for their hands. Although the government and charity organizations have tried to make a dent in the problem by making shelters, soup kitchens, and the like, it is time to make a bigger impact.

What I am suggesting would rid us of the obligation to keep up and pay for these shelters. We don’t need several small solutions; we need a one large one that benefits everyone involved. No longer would the good citizens of the Windy City be flooded with guilt at passing a shabby-looking man holding a cardboard cry for help. They and the citizens of other cities, once this plan is put into action, could look proudly at the streets clear of thrice-used coats and cigarette butts.

Indeed, this would even reduce the drug and alcohol abuse. The prospect of becoming homeless now is not enough of a deterrent. (There has even been speculation that some bums are just trying to get some free money, and not really so unfortunate!) People need something that would discourage them from throwing away their lives.

However, this plan would not be a punishment. In fact, when taken care of appropriately, it would just be another working part of our society. What would be better for the homeless than to be taken in, cared for, and given good work? It is hard to say, which is why I suggest all such individuals be taken into slavery. Their owners would no doubt treat them well, since they would be an investment. Business owners and farmers would also have cheap labor.

This would most likely give a substantial boost to economy as well. People would be able to buy and sell different unfortunates at different prices, according to their budgets, and have them work for them for free. This new addition to society would influence many to reach into their pockets and invest a little more. Of course, those who don’t need the help could sell them to the city to work on roadways and cleaning up the city in general.
Some may be concerned with how this worked in the past, but I must assure you, this proposal has nothing to do with prejudice, the color of the individual’s skin, or their heritage. This is all about bringing those who have hit the bottom back into a positive part of our world.

Of course, if you all would rather go on making little dents in the poverty of our great country, so be it. If you would rather have the homeless go on unclothed, unfed, and unsheltered just to keep freedom and the hope for the American Dream with them, go ahead. But if I have done nothing else, may I have made you reconsider what is really important here.

Be careful with this. We live in a very sensitive country. Eating babies is outlandish enough to be brushed aside as obvious satire, but suggesting slavery and providing legitimate reasons for it will offend black people, and the white people will pretend to be offended if there are black people present.

Originally Posted by StephenP2003

Be careful with this. We live in a very sensitive country. Eating babies is outlandish enough to be brushed aside as obvious satire, but suggesting slavery and providing legitimate reasons for it will offend black people, and the white people will pretend to be offended if there are black people present.

Quite true. Though, Swift made even eating babies seem logical. I don't plan to do anything with this, more than post it here, of course. It was quite difficult to come up with an outlandish, yet semi-supportable topic. I'm just hoping those on here can look past it and criticize it for the writing. If not, oh well.