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  1. View Conversation
    Ha ha. True that. Thanks for the vote of confidence.
    Anyway, I will get around to editing it any time soon.
    Thanks for all your tips though. I will definitely take them on, when editing. Really do appreciate it.
  2. View Conversation
    I have been told that I am not that good... Ha ha, we'll see.
  3. View Conversation
    Hello there. I just want to thank you kindly for leaving a message on my first poem posted on this site and for your sincere response. To be honest I didn't think anyone would respond. Ha ha. Thanks.
    mm
  4. View Conversation
    Sorry I only just read this. Maybe I am a sulky over sensitive teen? I couldn't stop writing even if it is all total rubbish, but thanks for writing to me
  5. View Conversation
    lol...nah don't trip...
  6. View Conversation
    no...i'm not...i'm actually jony from gays.com...haha...
  7. View Conversation
    Haha. I used to be obsessed with all things anime back in the day.
  8. View Conversation
    Ah, I thought it looked familiar! Lol.
  9. View Conversation
    Oh, meant to ask you and forgot... What anime is your profile pic from?
  10. View Conversation
    Hell yes! Awesome. Haha. That's my favorite thing in poetry.
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About Chiefspider

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A tough decisision for a slight revision

by Chiefspider on 05-16-2011 at 03:43 AM
OK I recently received some critique for a recent poem I posted so I tried a revision, but before I post it I'd like a second opinion so here is the original and revised.

World - Original-

a new beginning in a world unspoken
robbed of perfection, it has become man made
ended by fate tis a world now broken
tainted by gods greatest creation, it has become menace
distraught over destruction , they thrive to correct
the deeds are done, sins

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