OK I recently received some critique for a recent poem I posted so I tried a revision, but before I post it I'd like a second opinion so here is the original and revised.
World - Original-
a new beginning in a world unspoken
robbed of perfection, it has become man made
ended by fate tis a world now broken
tainted by gods greatest creation, it has become menace
distraught over destruction , they thrive to correct
the deeds are done, sins