Song- Boston (Be Free) - Writers Forum

Crash_Tomas · 07-09-2008, 10:09 AM

(Verse)
Cos there’s a light out in Boston,
Turning me upside-down,
And I can’t stand to see,
What will become of me?
So take your damn hand off of me!
Just let me…Be free.

Hey!

(Chorus)
Hang on to your hats,
We’re in for a bumpy ride.
Toss your cares outside.
We’re going to Boston,
If only for a night…
To find that shining light.

(Verse)
Cos there’s a person out there,
Standing on the streets,
Looking for me.
Will you please get off of me!?
And just let me…Be me.

Hey!

(Repeat Chorus)

(End)
And there’s a light out in Boston,
Telling me to go back home.
Yeah, telling me to just be free.
Just be me.

T.W. North · 07-11-2008, 04:52 AM

...Wha?

Dude, you can't start a song with 'cos' and then not go on to explain what came before it. And the whole 'get off of me'..it has no relevance to anything...it...it...it just..UNworks. The whole song, is directionless.

And I know, I come across harsh, but seriously, it doesn't work at all.

Crash_Tomas · 07-12-2008, 10:35 AM

The only thing I can ask you to do is read it over a few times and not take it as literal. I wrote it trying something new, and just wanted to see if it worked or not. If it doesn't make a little sense, then I guess I didn't do it well enough.

But thanks or your opinion.

moderan · 07-12-2008, 12:08 PM

Hmmm. Well, truthfully, I read it over four or five times, and I can't make head or tail out of it. I keep getting all hung up on the light that is out in Boston but is somehow still shining, and wondering about why your narrator is getting handled...and the whole freedom bit. Freedom from what?
I'm sorry, but without some specificity this won't work.

Crash_Tomas · 07-12-2008, 03:27 PM

all right, thanks. I'll have to work out things better, I guess. Thanks for the input~