T.W. North

I figure it could be useful to be sober for a day
Shine a light in my eyes to prove that I've been wrong
Grow a tree in my heart that branches everywhere
Show me the peace that rises above the throng

I want to do this alone
I want to do this on my own

I think it might enlighten me to open my eyes today
Stroke my sunburn until it blisters and then heals
Kiss my lungs so that they splinter before they breathe
Show me all of my nerves are still made of steel

I want to do this alone
I want to do this on my own
Show me how

If the infection bites, then I'll bite back
And if the tree withers, then I'll re-plant
Just show me how
If the fire spits, then I'll spit back
And if my lungs give out, then I don't know
And I don't care, just show me how

To do this alone and on my own
Show me how

I presume the light comes early for a damn good reason
And these wounds, they hurt me forever just because
Grow a tree to feed me, kiss my lungs to sedate me
Show me that I can overcome all of my flaws

moderan

Y'know, I like this a lot. One, it isn't the standard ooo I lurv you sooooo much faux sentiment, two, it actually flows well. I very much enjoy the irony and the fact that the narrator wants to feel...something. The anti-Comfortably Numb, as it were.
I'd retitle it but I dunno what, just that the title as is seems a little off-putting. Is there music to this? I'd love to hear it...

__________________
"Better to write for yourself and have no public, than to write for the public and have no self." - Cyril Connolly

"I'd rather have a bottle in front of me than a frontal lobotomy."-Tom Waits

T.W. North

^^ Thanks, and no, no music. I'm not even entirely sure how I invision it to go...I think I wouldn't mind a bit of sad trombone and trumpet going along...maybe even a bit of sax. xD However, it's thoroughly a rock song, as most of my lyrics are.

As for the title...how is it offputting?

moderan

Well, to my mind, the title isn't something that would make most folks want to investigate further. I could be wrong...it certainly did make me come over because it's unusual, but I just don't think it has that "ring".

__________________
"Better to write for yourself and have no public, than to write for the public and have no self." - Cyril Connolly

"I'd rather have a bottle in front of me than a frontal lobotomy."-Tom Waits

Edgewise

I haven't ventured into this part of the abode for a long time, but I am glad I caught this piece. It drips with honesty, something which many musings (especially lyrics) seem to lack. Pretty good rhythm you have going here. Construction is sound. Enjoyed reading this, and would be interested to hear how this would be performed.

Peace.

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How can you expect a man who's warm to understand a man who's cold?
- Solzhenitsyn "Ivan Denisovich"