Only Human (album) - Writers Forum

T.W. North · 05-23-2008, 03:41 AM

Well...Mystery posting all those tracks for an album inspired me to post my album idea that has been around for a while now. I think I still lack an ending, but oh well. So here they are, the times given are purely my interpretation of the vocals and maybe throwing in an extra 30 secs to a min for instruments. *shrug* ps, all instrumentation is how I'd imagine it to be (I imagine pretty much everything on here to have an industrial edge so remember that).

The first song on the album, Saint of Nothing, kicks of with a blast beat before other instruments come in. Closest track I can think of to it would be Take This Life by In Flames.

Saint of Nothing - 2: 45

You live your life like it doesn't matter
Burn your soul like your hearts on fire
Hades is proud, gas your cloud

You are the saint of nothing in particular
You are the witch who cursed our exterior
Can't you see, what we need

Necromancer
Save your world
Hey defiler
Repent now

You treat your world like it isn't living
You expect everyone to do it for you
Through money, you're guilt free

You are the king of pointless pollution
You are the lord who worked us into slavery
Can't you feel, any pain

Necromancer
Save your world
Hey defiler
Repent now

*solo*

Necromancer
Save your world
Hey defiler
Repent now

This next track has a certain funk element to it, while still being predominantly metal (as with the whole album).

Mind Overrun - 5: 02

Through blue eyes the world is in shadow
Unto the hills the wolves are spreading forth
The smoothest flesh is rough in due time
The sharpest knife is blunt before long
Nothing will stop evolution

Blood will flow

Monkey see Monkey do
Monkey has an alibi
It's a mind being overrun

Words are precursors to the sons of man
Not even love can hide the wounds are taken light
The softest touch is hard in due time
The safest place is dangerous
Nothing will stop evolution

Tears will flow

Monkey see Monkey do
Monkey has an alibi
Baby wants Baby has
Baby never has enough
It's a mind being overrun

For children always see the worst
And they will grow into worn skins
(And wear them more)

Monkey see Monkey do
Monkey has an alibi
Baby wants Baby has
Baby never has enough
It's a mind being overrun
Monkey see Monkey do
Monkey has an alibi
It's a mind being overrun

A ballad. I'm not sure if it'd be acoustic or not, but it too has a funk/groove vibe to it.

Let Me Cry - 3: 15

I still see the baby gone blue
I still hear her words, thank you
But no...no
I still see the blood starburst
Still hear him say it's the first
Oh no...no

Hush baby, let me cry
I'd trust in God if he'd comply

I still see the walls fall down
I still hear the children make sound
Please no....no
I still see the hunger bite
I still hear her say I might
But no...no

Hush baby, let me cry
I'd trust in God if he'd comply

Love us the same...except me and you
And anyone else
Oh no...

Hush baby, let me cry
I'd trust in God if he'd comply
Oh yes...oh no..

I think this is more a straight up metalcore (think All That Remains and Chimaira) affair...but I'm not too sure. It's been a while since I looked over this one.

Leave This World Alone - 3: 45

Were we made this way by the apple?
Or the tree?
Did we fight these wars for the reason?
Or the hate?
It's hard to tell in this fucked up world of normality

It's not the continuation of the species
It's the desecration of everything else

Did we burn these bridges to run?
Or to weep?
Do we pray to the Gods for peace?
Or for war?
It's hard to tell in this fucked up world of normality

Rape all the women, kill all the children
Be done with this world and leave it alone
Sing songs for the damned, build homes for the lost
Just give to this world and leave it alone

Does our society make us men?
Or children?
Do we teach our children past?
Or future?
It's hard to tell in this fucked up world of normality

It's not the learning from our mistakes
It's the repetition of all that we know

Do we see these pictures as the truth?
Or the lies?
Are we broken by the images?
Or the sounds?
It's hard to tell in this fucked up world of normality

Rape all the women, kill all the children
Be done with this world and leave it alone
Sing songs for the damned, build homes for the lost
Just give to this world and leave it alone

*solo*

All the bridges to the clouds were burnt long ago
Before we'd even thought of their existence
No more excuses, just leave this world alone

Rape all the women, kill all the children
Be done with this world and leave it alone
Sing songs for the damned, build homes for the lost
Just give to this world and leave it alone

Another one I'm not overly sure about, but I'm thinking effects and keyboards. =P

Icebreaker - 3: 49

There's a crackle of static between our bodies
A murmur of violence polluting the air
The shuffle of dead men awaiting their doom
Tensions are brewing, here comes the storm

Steel bodies &
Molten weapons

The silence (is broken by thousand screams of)
Never (again will we be tormented by)
The distance (between our worlds of solitude)
Someone needs to break the ice

*musical interlude*

What if we don't surrender?
What if we stand our ground?

I feel that this is hopeless
Foolish ideas of grandiose adventure
I know this is a waste
Stories full of chrome and bitter grey

Steel bodies &
Molten weapons

The silence (is broken by thousand screams of)
Never (again will we be tormented by)
The distance (between our worlds of solitude)

(There’s a crackle of static between our bodies)
The silence...
(A murmur of violence polluting the air)
Never...
(The shuffle of dead men awaiting their doom)
The distance....
(Tensions are brewing)
Someone needs to break the ice

This was actually originally created for an entirely different concept and album, and was hard rock, but I discovered it also works in this concept and metal setting. I'm a little afraid its a bit fillerish though.

Stopping Peace - 3: 35

I see blood stains on every wall
Can't you smell the fear?
There are bleeding soldiers on my floor
It's all your fault
A flickering screen, I see the army fall
Glad you don't care
What's the difference between this and that war?
Nothing at all

We could be at peace
Don't argue with this
We could be at peace
Something's stopping this

I don't know where my boys lay
One in a million
Walk past the stones that were our children
As blank as you
Pretty posters will make us prey
But take no heed
Give them guns and make them men
So what am I?

We could be at peace
Don't argue with this
We could be at peace
Something's stopping this

Why can't we learn?
Everything we need we spurn
Why can't we change?
We make history seem less strange

We could be at peace
Don't argue with this
We could be at peace
Something's stopping this
We could be at peace
Don't argue with this
We could be
Something's stopping peace

Continued in next post

T.W. North · 05-23-2008, 03:41 AM

This is one of my favourites, not sure why though. Certainly one of the more melodic tracks (even though half of them are quite melodic), I see this one as quite superfluous.

Throw Down The Glove - 4: 00

Content to living in the shadows
Happy to crouch under the wings
Abusing the trust that the system will work
Walking on fractured glass

No pain no gain x4

Throw down the glove
Accept the challenge
You're the only one
Who can help you
Throw down the glove
Accept the risks that
You are the one
Who can be blamed

Buck the blame, suck the gain
You don't know what’s good for you
Crack the cash, jump the trash
You think you know your smarter

But you're living in your shadow
You're flying using broken wings
Still trusting that the system works
Walking on fractured glass

No pain no gain x4

Throw down the glove
Accept the challenge
You're the only one
Who can help you
Throw down the glove
Accept the risks that
You are the one
Who can be blamed

Throw down the glove
Accept the challenge
Accept the fucking risks already
Throw down the glove

Another ballad...this one is kinda Opethish in nature, but I've used a technique that I've since discovered is in a Dark Tranquility song, where the verses are sung cleanly but the chorus is growled.

Ghost of a Conscience - 3: 30

It's the roads that lead to nowhere
That seem to draw the most
Covered by consensual lies
The conscience becomes a ghost

Evil ascends

When lost in words that caution
The belief becomes a law
Chartered by the martyred books
The passions burning raw

Evil ascends
'Cos God turned their hearts to stone

See the masses come to pray
Scars that build the cost
Salt water is turned to wine
Raise your glasses to the lost

Evil ascends
Evil ascends
'Cos God turned their hearts to stone

This one is a bit different...it's very deathcore in its nature, the words 'better as drones' is the breakdown. No idea how long this would go for in actuality.

Drones

Why are we thinking in time?
Why are we standing in line?
Why are we dressed the same?
Do we even need a name?

Come on; clasp your neighbours’ hand
Merge yourselves
Everyone knows we work better as drones

Busy little ants living busy little lives
Naughty little people being original
We are one and the same
We are drones

Mystery · 05-23-2008, 08:30 AM

Posting it in separate threads would have made it easier to comment, but Ill try to break down each one as I go along.
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Immediately in the first on theres something completely flow breaking, "hey defiler", the hey sticks out like a sore thumb, it's not something that can be executed well, give the backdrop of the rest of the lyric without giving it a pop-ish quality immediately.

I liked the first one nonetheless, but it could use some working, because the problem you have on one verse is you make the syllables longer in the middle of the verse(quite literally since its 3 lines

) and that usually isn't the best of ideas. This is because the music will already accommodate the structure of the first verse and the listener will obviously hear that first, you have to think about changes in both music and the hook of music and lyrics will impact your listener as you go along.
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I like the essence of this lyric, the problem with the execution however is that you are also abiding by "monkey see monkey do" and telling your audience everything, this is a matter of opinion mostly, but you do need to show your listener things every now and then, people like it a lot more when they can visualize freely as opposed to visualize in the context you've given them.

Furthermore, "blood will flow" comes out as a bit too rough initially, while "tears will flow" seems very meager when compared to its predecessor, you might want to check that out.
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I like this, it's not so much as funk feel as it is a jazz blues kind of soothe to it, it doesn't need any altering though, its good as it is.
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I don't like this, and not because its metal core, it just feels very in bad taste, and what I mean by this, it strikes me as a hippie playing black metal. It just losses impact momentumerilly(woo I made a word) after the first line, because it's really good, and the rest are really average. The first two lines make you think, and they have a very simple, but very powerful and independent as such meaning to them. The rest of the lyric is just trying too hard to keep up with that initial spark, I suggest you save that, and wait for the inspiration to return like a hit to the head from a boomerang, it's annoying and takes time but worth it.
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It has potential but it could use some reworking, mostly because of the imagery that forms from the first verse and how it conflicts slightly with the rest, it doesn't strike me as a particularly interesting piece, I liked your first three much more.
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The lyric feels gimmicky, and it's not your fault, its that so many people have fed off the recent war that right now pro-peace songs that simply condemn war have become like well ice cream, its starting to produce brain freeze.

IT does indeed feel like a filler lyric, but it could be changed and made better, what you could do is find another war song like this(there are quite a few) and compare and contrast yours with it, keep the points it doesn't have and throw away what it does have and start rebuilding what you've written.
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This one is good, but it could go without the "no pain no gain" and maybe use a more creative hook than that, also, the line "flying with broken wings" sticks out from the rest of the lyrics as being lower quality, so you might want to take a look at that and see if it can be altered to make it a bit more up to standard with the rest of the piece.
Overall this one doesn't need much alteration.
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This is good, it is actually quite opeth-ish in nature and I like that, it doesn't have any problems lyrically, so just make sure your instrumental section also has the flow of both opeth and DT and this is probably the best song on the ablum(imho).
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This could really be good, it fits in a simple format of metal lyricism where its not so much about the content of lyricism but the quality of it, you could repeat this twice and only make one or two small changes to evolve the meaning and it could become very successful with the right accompanying music. I would say its length could reach 5-6 minutes, depending on your instrumental work of course.

T.W. North · 05-23-2008, 11:20 PM

Thanks, and yeah, the middle three have always felt a bit fillerish to me. Stopping Peace is also the earliest lyric of them all, which is probably why its not quite up to standards, while Leave This World Alone was written with a completely different meaning originally and randomly came out that way. However, when it comes to the first one, thats probably the one I have worked out in my mind the most, and it actually does work. The music would be very stop/startish for the verses, but would be superflous for the chorus...its kinda hard to explain, but for the chorus theres a lot of note holding. I'm thinking I should go over this and point out the vocal changes, where cookie-monster growls, metalcore screams and clean singing are used...

Damian_Rucci · 06-11-2008, 02:41 PM

Nice, like the way your taking your lyrics T.W. I organize my songs in "albums as well. I like it all, of course, you write for the type of music I live for my favorite song would have to be "Mind Over Run" it just comes off as supreme.