Blank Pages and Mirrors - Read before my other threads

[Mystery]

Well, I'm posting lyrics for the first time in a long time, a golden opportunity for some of you with a vengeful streak to spit on me or piss on my efforts since I'm not God but come across as thinking so. In any case, some commenting:

I realize that both "blank Pages" and "mirrors" are two of the, if not the most cliche Metal niche's and words, however, I've used them in an original meaning, or so I believe(I haven't seen anyone say what I have here before, so lets pray there isn't a kid in india who wrote this before me aye). In any case, I'm not going to explain that meaning, it's in there and I've made my position on explaining my art clear. There are some other cliche'd lines, but like I said, I've twisted them in new ways, so rip at them if you want, but most of the material won't change, I want opinions and points of view more than I want constructive or destructive critisism.

Rip at it, I'll update it in the coming months when the music is laid down(its the title track of album I am recording, need more band members woot)
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Blank pages and mirrors - -

The world of sherades
Just a moment away
Look deep in his eyes
He wishes you to stay

Listen to the voices that you're [calling]
Can't you see whats written on your soul
It's almost horryfing as it hits you
You're the one of the other side of the [mirror]

Running is futile
For all is finite
You will never escape
This is your god given limit

Listen to the voices that you're [calling]
Can't you see what's written on his soul
It's horryfing as it hits you
The worlds you live in make him far beyond you

You cannot sleep
He might see you
God forbid you dissapoint him
For he will kill you

Listen to the little voices that you're [calling[
Can't you read whats in his hands?
It's redeming as it hits you
The blank page is black, but it yet bares no meaning

[You possess a blank page
What will you fill it with?
All the words you can write will bare no meaning
For even if you stain your paper black,
White as it began is pure
You can do nothing but taint it back]

Listen to the voices in your [head]
Can't you hear that they are calling you?
The sound of trumpets is triumphant
Another blank page in gods storybook
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Thats the title track of "Blank Pages and Mirrors" by well... don't have a band to give it a name yet, so wing it and use your imaginations for the time being, I'll put up a guitar pro as soon as I find out how to work it or get my finale back.

[T.W. North]

Well...believe it or not, the rhythm is VERY linkin park. The words are ten thousand times more complex than anything they've done, but it still has that short, sharp rhyme. But in general...well, you're certainly no god. xD I mean, it's a good set of lyrics, and as you say, original, but its not pulled of spectacularly. Particularly the chorus..in fact, alot of it I find hard to follow rhythmically in my head (apart from the sections that come of linkin parkish). Certainly I dislike the 'blank page' section.

Also...I think Blank Pages and Mirrors, while you've done it in an original manner, is too generic for an album name. People will pass your band off for generic metalcore (which is actually the feel I get from this song).

[Mystery]

Well this is always the problem with writing progressive music, without the actual music behind it its heavily free for misinterpretation.

I was thinking of changing the album name for marketing purposes, but then again, I'm not the type to sell out, at most if I do change it, it wont be to any of the other title tracks.

What parts do you think weren't executed well and why?

[T.W. North]

The world of sherades
Just a moment away
Look deep in his eyes
He wishes you to stay
^well, I was suprised at this because I'd always looked at you as clever and original...but this was a stupidly obvious choice of rhyme and the only actual original part of it is the first line...which doesn't even fit with the rest.

Listen to the voices that you're [calling]
Can't you see whats written on your soul
It's almost horryfing as it hits you
You're the one of the other side of the [mirror]
^It doesn't flow, however, considering its metal, as you said, its hard to work out a rhythm without hearing the vocals. Really the only out of place word is mirror.

Running is futile
For all is finite
You will never escape
This is your god given limit
^It's good, I like it, no real problems with this at all

Listen to the voices that you're [calling]
Can't you see what's written on his soul
It's horryfing as it hits you
You are the same but he is just so much [more]
^The wording just hits me as linkin park with only a slight touch more oomph to it.

You cannot sleep
He might see you
God forbid you dissapoint him
For he will kill you
^I've always disliked 'kill you' in a song. No matter how its done it always jars me.

The blank page is black, but it yet bares no meaning
^Wtf?...My signiture song writing trait is to be ambiguous, but that makes no sense at all!

[You possess a blank page
What will you fill it with?
All the words you can write will bare no meaning
For even if you stain your paper black,
White as it began is pure
You can do nothing but taint it back]

Listen to the voices in your [head]
Can't you hear that they are calling you?
The sound of trumpets is triumphant
Another blank page in gods storybook
^The whole first paragraph is jarringly different to the rest of the lyrics..and while the second one is decent, and I particularly like the last line, the mention of trumpets has no place.


Hope that helps a bit. =/

[Mystery]

Originally Posted by T.W. North

The world of sherades
Just a moment away
Look deep in his eyes
He wishes you to stay
^well, I was suprised at this because I'd always looked at you as clever and original...but this was a stupidly obvious choice of rhyme and the only actual original part of it is the first line...which doesn't even fit with the rest.

Hmm, you seem to interpret things too narrow, why do you think I said it's a world of sherades in the first line of the lyric thats about you being a reflection instead of being reflected in a mirror? It's to set an atmosphere, the verse in this song fly pretty fast, and having something like that will clarify as the song goes along.
I'm gonna try to work on this line a little more.

Listen to the voices that you're [calling]
Can't you see whats written on your soul
It's almost horryfing as it hits you
You're the one of the other side of the [mirror]
^It doesn't flow, however, considering its metal, as you said, its hard to work out a rhythm without hearing the vocals. Really the only out of place word is mirror.

How it is that the [] are dragged out by 3 voices, so the first line would be sun at a moderate pace with [] being dragged, the second one and the third one take their own moderate pace with only a slight pause inbetween them and the third one follows the same scheme as the first, but its more dragged out since it goes over the breakdown that leads into the next verse.

Listen to the voices that you're [calling]
Can't you see what's written on his soul
It's horryfing as it hits you
You are the same but he is just so much [more]
^The wording just hits me as linkin park with only a slight touch more oomph to it.

Heh, the problem with simplicity is that it is too easily misinterpreted, specifically because the subject character is so awkward(since it makes your reflection become better than you), I'll try to think of some alternate wording.

You cannot sleep
He might see you
God forbid you dissapoint him
For he will kill you
^I've always disliked 'kill you' in a song. No matter how its done it always jars me.

Heh, nothing else really fits, I could try to make it more ambiguous

The blank page is black, but it yet bares no meaning
^Wtf?...My signiture song writing trait is to be ambiguous, but that makes no sense at all!

You've never heard the expression "blackened with ink", remember, originally there was only black ink, but it's something you should be able to get without knowing that. IF a page is blackened with ink and bares no meaning, it means all you've written is pointless and mundane.

[You possess a blank page
What will you fill it with?
All the words you can write will bare no meaning
For even if you stain your paper black,
White as it began is pure
You can do nothing but taint it back]

Listen to the voices in your [head]
Can't you hear that they are calling you?
The sound of trumpets is triumphant
Another blank page in gods storybook
^The whole first paragraph is jarringly different to the rest of the lyrics..and while the second one is decent, and I particularly like the last line, the mention of trumpets has no place.

The third verse is what is spoken as instruments quiet down, its breaking the 4th wall in a way by giving away the core of the lyric, and it also explains the part you didn't get before, it's sort of to help the reader along.

Also, if you haven't notice, I make a lot of biblical euphemisms and lines, before the second coming angels will descent on the earth and there will be the sound of trumpeting, it is also the prelude to the arrival of the four horsemen. The world ends without anything significant, and to god it's just another flip of the page.

[Angel101]

Well, I pray I don't get chewed out for saying this... But I found it all to be rather bombastic. It's nice, fancy even. But I don't feel anything from it.

For he will kill you

I don't have a problem with "kill." I have a problem with "for." It's forced. It sounds like you're trying too hard to make it sound good.

The blank page is black, but it yet bares no meaning

Same thing goes here with the word "yet."

Maybe it's just my taste, but I don't like songs that sound over ambitious. This really sounded that way for me.

[Mystery]

Originally Posted by Angel101

Well, I pray I don't get chewed out for saying this... But I found it all to be rather bombastic. It's nice, fancy even. But I don't feel anything from it.

Can you interpret it?

I don't have a problem with "kill." I have a problem with "for." It's forced. It sounds like you're trying too hard to make it sound good.

I've since changed it, but ironically the part you are finding forced is prose, I can't change how you interpret things without music, but lets say that the way I wrote it and how you interpret it and paradoxical.

Same thing goes here with the word "yet."

I'll give you that.

[/quote]Maybe it's just my taste, but I don't like songs that sound over ambitious. This really sounded that way for me.[/quote]
You see the problem, with saying something such as "over ambitious" is because it's dependent on relativity to yourself.

[T.W. North]

But see, with that black page line...I get the vision of a black page, not one thats been blackened. To me its a blank page thats black...so why would it have any meaning anyway?

[Mystery]

Originally Posted by T.W. North

But see, with that black page line...I get the vision of a black page, not one thats been blackened. To me its a blank page thats black...so why would it have any meaning anyway?

Then I'm sorry to have to leave it as it being a problem of you not having any common sense :/
Personally, I've yet to see a page that was printed blank and was black.

[T.W. North]

It's called coloured paper. It has nothing to do with common sense, a piece of paper that is completely black will never have meaning, even if it is written on, because the words are all one, and there is no white, for it is black. So it is nothing.

[Angel101]

Originally Posted by Mystery

Can you interpret it?


I've since changed it, but ironically the part you are finding forced is prose, I can't change how you interpret things without music, but lets say that the way I wrote it and how you interpret it and paradoxical.


I'll give you that.

Maybe it's just my taste, but I don't like songs that sound over ambitious. This really sounded that way for me.[/quote]
You see the problem, with saying something such as "over ambitious" is because it's dependent on relativity to yourself.[/quote]
Darling, I CAN'T interpret it, and I'm pretty damn good at thinking outside the box. That's the problem. If it weren't so over ambitious--and I'm keeping that description--it would be open to real interpretation. It comes off the same way to me as it does to T.W. Are we stupid? No. Maybe you're just not perfect and YOU need to work on it; however, if you absolutely insist on being immature and unable to handle criticism, then I'll humor you.

Bravo. Fantastic piece of work. Good read. You'll never get any better, but I guess staying at one level is okay with you, since you're intent on dismissing criticism.

Best of luck to you outside fantasy land.

[Mystery]

Originally Posted by Angel101

Darling, I CAN'T interpret it, and I'm pretty damn good at thinking outside the box. That's the problem. If it weren't so over ambitious--and I'm keeping that description--it would be open to real interpretation. It comes off the same way to me as it does to T.W. Are we stupid? No. Maybe you're just not perfect and YOU need to work on it; however, if you absolutely insist on being immature and unable to handle criticism, then I'll humor you.

You've proven yourself to be stupid, that's why I perceive you as such.

Bravo. Fantastic piece of work. Good read. You'll never get any better, but I guess staying at one level is okay with you, since you're intent on dismissing criticism.

Best of luck to you outside fantasy land.

Ahh so here it is that we dissolve to immaturities eh? I don't see what part of defending myself from critisism(which this isn't) is being immature, but meh, stating my opinion against yours is a kids game right? I'm not allowed to.

You don't need lateral thought(thats what thinking outside the box is called) to understand everything, you need two things. The ability to draw relations, and a decent vocabulary, and lets just throw in English reading comprehension for good measure.

I take critisism bitch, but not bullshit. It's over ambitious for YOU? Fine, that's not critisism, its judgment, an opinion, and while I wanted this, I don't want you to give me something and claim is as something else.

. Criticism would have been you pointing out where and why, I'm not going to agree to your opinion without you actually backing it, since if you have forgotten, I CANNOT see my lyric as you do, and where you see "over-ambition" im inherently unable to perceive it because I'm not you. All you did was point out structure flaws, and so I told you why things are there and I even admitted that part of it should change, that is what you call taking critisism, because you actually gave me some. The rest of what you did is like me telling you "I don't find you attractive" and insisting that you change. In case you can't see the inherent flaws with this let me point them out again. A) It's an opinion without any backing fact, B) I called you something and gave you no way, or definition or description on why I find you unattractive, so if you wanted to change, how are you supposed to know how to?

And then you come to me with this "we aren't stupid, you are" shit.

And Christ, do you people really think I just show my lyrics to you? There a reason that I have confidence when I argue against you and thats because I have a lot of people who support my points of view. You and T.W north think it's overambitious, thats great, but unfortunately, you are two out of fifty people, and I'm not changing shit for a minority. Think before you open your mouth. I'm not a 13 year old and I've been doing this for longer than (probably) both of you.

It's called coloured paper. It has nothing to do with common sense, a piece of paper that is completely black will never have meaning, even if it is written on, because the words are all one, and there is no white, for it is black. So it is nothing.

Dude, if at "blank page" you seriously first think of a black colored page, I'll concede this point to you. But considering that this lyric also talks about turning the blank page black with ink and saying that it's also pointless(basically, it explains itself later), I'm, REALLY struggling to understand this unless you either cannot draw any relations here, or lack the aforementioned common sense. And dude, reading comprehension, "and it yet bares no meaning", means something has been done to it, it means that it being black, is not its original state. And I checked the lyric again, the spoken verse part that explains this is right after the line, I mean goddamn, you are really making it hard for me to not want to call you wankers and call it a day.

So either you didn't read that, or you lack the common sense to link it.

[kingajcice]

Mystery, I would like to agree with you, and then disagree with you.

One, you're right, Angel101 is being a complete biatch, and her stuping down to such a level as just name-calling without any reason nor backing up of her theory as to why she's saying what she's saying makes her look retarded.

However, T.W. North was very polite and he was being very civil, and just because she's completely pissing everyone off, doesn't mean that he's a jackass too.

Don't take this as whining, I'm just informing you.

[Angel101]

Him implying that I was stupid was certainly no reason for me to get angry. I apologize. And in all seriousness, I'm sorry if I overreacted. I'm sorry that I lashed out the way I did. He just reminds me of someone that, well, ruined my life to point where I can't put it back together. Though that is no excuse for my behavoir, that is an explanation. But for the record, I started out civil. It just turned into a nightmare, which I'll admit is my fault.

[kingajcice]

sorry for calling you a bitch then