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Lyrics Original Song Lyrics.

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Old 05-20-2008, 09:01 PM   #1
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thoughts

this has literally just been in my head for all of 10 minutes, I will possibly rearrange things and tweak it here and there, maybe even add more, if people think it's worthy? I also have a basic acoustic guitar melody with it and when I sing it it's phrased pretty oddly but it kind of works.
Any comments folks?

we'll bake a cake at 2 in the morning
maybe it will come as a warning
sign
that everything ain't in line
between us

You curl your toes up in the sand
& Here I am stuck on dry land
But your, floating out with the waves
Oh boy, can't you see
your digging your own graves

There's a falling leaf
won't you catch it for me
If I could, I would
give it back to the tree
I'll bet I know just how he feels
but some things just lose their appeal


I like to ride my bicycle, along the beach
And the wind snatches up snippets of our speech
So it sounds as though we're singing out in tongues
& I like it better that way
I like it better that way
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Old 05-21-2008, 02:14 PM   #2
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I would have to say that I don't like this. It could be the structuring of it and also it seems as the rhyming restricts your lyrics too much.
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Old 05-22-2008, 08:53 AM   #3
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What?! I like it very, very much; the part where you wanted to put the leaf back on the tree was very moving. I can hear myself singing it.
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Old 05-22-2008, 02:16 PM   #4
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Hmm. I agree with Damien

Well, both of them in a sort of way.

I think the words are moving, but it has to be structured a little better and maybe sentenced somewhat smoother. Deep though.

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Old 05-22-2008, 02:21 PM   #5
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it is well written, quite deep and works well overall. but i'm sorry but it's the type of lyrics and the type of song i loath. Song is perfect for the correct audience, i don't mean to be negative but i (personally) hate it.
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Old 05-22-2008, 03:42 PM   #6
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thank you all!

Thanks all! As I said it was just me playing about with a few thoughts rolling around in my head. I love to do that.

And I welcome and appreciate the negative comments and feedback just as much as the admirers
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