Nasty Voyuer Love Song - Writers Forum

CodyKun · 05-17-2008, 10:01 PM

I am an innocent voyeur alone, peeking at others all day and night
You are just another channel in my one-eyed peepshow tonight
Holding on firmly while I watch you now
Your firm breasts make me start to melt
If I continue watching some more I feel I may explode

It is nasty today, it is dirty today
Watching from my small window today
I can see the day’s secrets pass by
Oh I cannot watch it’s too nasty

I make a habit of spying on other gentleman in the stalls all day and night
It’s a cruel and evil past-time but it helps the day go by so fine
Drinking sloppy milk that spills from guilty faces
I don’t know what you think, but I swear I am not a pervert

Taunting me with your silken clothes, I’m watching you so happily
It’s been ten weeks and still the same old traditions
Why do you always look up at my window, do you know I am watching you?
Touching myself until the silence hits
Why do I glow every time you come to the peekshow

It is not nasty today, it is not dirty today
Watching you from my small window today
I want to see your day’s details go by
Oh, I want to watch it’s so grandeur!

Ah! But why do I light up when you come home
Even though I cower and hide
I want to smile and wave hello
Why do I feel this way, what’s wrong with me?

“Yes, that’s it. Take your top of. You love massaging yourself, don’t you. Yes, reach lower…lower…lower”

AUGH!
I want to be able to stare at you without thinking these perverted thoughts
But I cannot say hello for I know too much of you
This is the story, I was just a pawn in it, but still I’ll continue to watch you
Who is the man you are sleeping with. I could be so much better than he

I am an innocent Voyeur alone, peeking at you all night and day
You are my only channel, that I can watch in this one eyed-peep show
Holding on firmly but so weak!
I want to touch your beautiful breasts
If you can understand my eccentric ways
Can’t we love the same old way

Quote:

It's weird, and very poorly translated, but I love this song for some reason...the story is cute in a very weird way. It's also the frst song that tells it's entire story, rather than my other songs which only tell a chapter here and there.

Crash_Tomas · 05-18-2008, 11:33 AM

haha, very interesting. Couldn't find a rhythm, though, it was just a bunch of long sentences...this would be a better poem, I think.

lin · 05-18-2008, 01:21 PM

Great title!

Too bad the song sucks.

(Just kidding, it's fun and pretty singable. I guess I sort of hear it as an "alternative"/REM kind of thing.

Quote:

I want to be able to stare at you without thinking these perverted thoughts

This line is an example of something you might want to think about. It jumps out at me as too "on the nose" or "prosaic". I would try to avoid using everyday lines like this, instead look for the metaphors and elusions like "one-eyed peep show" that work well elsewhere.

Don't even try re-labeling this as a poem or I'll come after you.

CodyKun · 05-19-2008, 01:06 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by lin

Great title!

Too bad the song sucks.

(Just kidding, it's fun and pretty singable. I guess I sort of hear it as an "alternative"/REM kind of thing.

This line is an example of something you might want to think about. It jumps out at me as too "on the nose" or "prosaic". I would try to avoid using everyday lines like this, instead look for the metaphors and elusions like "one-eyed peep show" that work well elsewhere.

Don't even try re-labeling this as a poem or I'll come after you.

don't worry, I won't...Anything written by me in english is basically just a basecoat that will be painted in other languages (I didn't want to say superiour for fear of being shot) so I don't really bother myself over rythym or meoldy until I start translating.

I see what you mean in the way that line was written. I actually did it on purpose...a sort of irony. When I translate into Japanese (my default language, it's the best for singing in my opinion, and actually the easiest to sing in (I have a horrible time singing in English ^O^), I'm going to make the "plain" lines more artistic, while still sounding "plain". I'm going to work on a few alternate writings of this song to better translate it.

lin · 05-19-2008, 01:13 AM

English is your second language?

Very impressive