Song- On a Better Day - Writers Forum

Crash_Tomas · 05-17-2008, 06:12 PM

First set I've written in a while, any feedback will be much appreciated.
____

(Chorus)
On a better day you’d be fine
On some fantasy deep in your mind,
Lifting your arms in praise as you fly.
Up, Up towards the sky!
And on a better day,
You’d die anyway.

(Verse)
A man told me everything,
Yet, he never said a word.
He explained the secret of life,
Yet, he never made a sound.
I took in good contemplation,
Of what this failed to mention.
All of it amounted to nothing,
Yet everything means something.

And then I heard:
(Chorus)

(Bridge)
Love and hate,
Destiny and fate…
Lead you to make
Bad decisions.

(Verse)
I met a woman yesterday,
Everything she said took my pain away.
With a motion of her hand,
I saw the greatest stretch of land.
It was a place where I wanted to be,
Yet, I had no way to lift my feet.
There was a silence in her eyes,
Which made me shiver with surprise.

As I learned:
(Chorus)

(Ending)
There is no greater gift than life,
It is just as brittle as ice.
Don’t ever give it away,
Cos you could die today.

(Repeat Chorus Until End)

Tom · 05-19-2008, 11:30 AM

I love this. Not only does it have a deep meaning but the way you placed the words actually created the song in my head. I especially like the method you used here:

A man told me everything,
Yet, he never said a word.
He explained the secret of life,
Yet, he never made a sound.

These few lines were very good, but altogether it all was, and the last line was a beauty.

Tom.

Damian_Rucci · 05-19-2008, 02:24 PM

Very, very nice. This was the best lyrics I've read in awhile. Like Tom said that verse was the best. I like the first two lines of it!

Crash_Tomas · 05-22-2008, 02:37 PM

Thanks, both of you. Appreciate it a lot.