You make it better - Writers Forum

Nefieslab · 05-17-2008, 03:51 PM

This is a song i wrote. I perform this song with my band, singing and playing the acoustic guitar.

You make it better

I’ve seen it all,
Battered and broken,
I’ve been through it all.
I would ask what has…
Become of me,
And all I’ll say is…
My life has fallen apart,
With no one to hold me together,
With no one guide the way,
Its like I’m blind…
Searching and hoping,
That I will see,
This life with you.

I’ve torn it open,
Just to see you,
But it really doesn’t work that well,
And on that I tell,
Tell you the story,
Of my life…
The one I lost.

I’ve regrets,
About my actions,
I think we all.. do…
But I can say,
That at least I made something,
Something turned out right.
And that something,
Keeps on growing,
And its making me proud.
What I’m talking about is pretty simple…
I’m talking about you.

You take the world,
And show me how,
It can be kind.
You can show me,
Every part,
No matter how small.
This is what I’ve to say…
To you today.
You’ve given me,
True sight…
And now I look at the life,
That god gave me,
And I say,
“Thank you lord,
For me and all…
That I see…”
There is reason…
A method to the madness.
You take the world,
In your hands,
And make it better,
You do.

You make it better,
You give a smile,
That I may,
Call my own…
You make better,
You make better,
You make better you do.

Tom · 05-17-2008, 04:17 PM

Hmm, I liked how it started so negative and grew to be alot more positive, done before but in a unique way here. Your own way of writing very short lines is effective most of time, but in one or two lines I thought it just didn't work, but Im sure the rest of the song makes up for that.

Any chance we could hear it? I really enjoyed it.

Nefieslab · 05-17-2008, 04:21 PM

you want to hear it?

lol, fat chance. me and my band still operate out of my basement and my friend's dad occasionally edits a track and makes it sound halfway decent, but i'm a bit shy about letting anyone hear my work. i have to build up my confidence first

but coming soon...
a confident Nef!

Tom · 05-17-2008, 04:30 PM

I'd really like to hear it, unfortunately I've got a semi-good very wierd singing voice so Im not confident as youtube ruined my singing career but thats besides the point. I mean...I dont even have a band, I just write lyrics for fun, but to actually hear yours would be nice. When you have, give me a call

Nefieslab · 05-17-2008, 04:31 PM

will do man

i'd like to hear your thoughts on the accompanying music

Damian_Rucci · 05-21-2008, 02:16 PM

I like it it uses its simple form to its advantage. Good job!

Nefieslab · 05-21-2008, 02:49 PM

thanks Rucci

kingajcice · 05-22-2008, 04:05 PM

Love it, I really do, but this part is a bit awkward to me:

I think we all.. do…

Maybe it's just because I can't figure out how the beat would go, but I don't get the .. after the all. How much of a pause is there?

Other than that Great job.

Mystery · 05-22-2008, 07:41 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Nefieslab

you want to hear it?

lol, fat chance. me and my band still operate out of my basement and my friend's dad occasionally edits a track and makes it sound halfway decent, but i'm a bit shy about letting anyone hear my work. i have to build up my confidence first

but coming soon...
a confident Nef!

This is some advice as a professional musician, the worst critic you will ever face when you begin is yourself, you perceive the music you play worse than anyone else, so trust your ability and let your ears grow to trust it too.