CodyKun

The saddened nights, of tales long unwinding
The mysteries, all intertwined in a tale old as time
The innocents, the countless bodies
The resurrection, all sins forgotten
This is how the world works

I am a puppet, a broken toy
A little wooden child, longing to be set free
You cut the strings so tenderly
the cracking of rotting wood echoes in the room
This little child was never met to leave

In a corner, so silent, she lies there
A small lonely dirty child sits before her
Poking quietly at the never-moving joints

Madame, hiding in the reflection on the dirty windowsill
Come to the lonely child, give him the friend he longs for
Madame, hiding in the reflection on the dirty windowsill
With your magic, so dark and mysterious, make him see the workings of life

BREAK ME CRUSH ME DESTROY MY EXISTANCE! CAN’T YOU HEAR ME?

“My dearest child, the doll can be your best friend
Sign this contract, writ in blood, and I can make the magic happen
The Pinocchia will become as real as the porcelain girls I raise so tenderly”
The Madame whispered to the silent dirty child, staring intimately into his innocent eyes.
“All it costs is the token of childhood.”

RUN AWAY! FLEE FROM THIS PLACE! IT CANNOT OCCUR!

In a corner, so dank and dusty
The ritual of killing a child moves so swiftly
With the sexual release
A red finger moves gently across the anxious line adorning the pages
This is it, the seal on your fate

Many years have passed since that day
A small lonely dirty child sits before her
Begging his doll to finally speak to him
The splinters falling from his empty eyes


NOTES:

Please give your veiws on the story, presentation, and Creative interpretation of these lyrics. Since I will be translating my songs into other languages, melody cannot be reveiwed.

Mystery

Art doesn't come with explanations, only suggestions, if you have to explain your art or your suggestions, then chances are you aren't making art, you're playing pictionary.

Aside from that, the whole thing seems to be trying too hard to be creative, nouveau, poshly artistic, if you get my point. A lot of it just reeks off being forced ingenuity, not so much well thought out metaphor but a collage of words that abstract a meaning and then calls itself multi layered.

Then again, it could just be the language, since if its not intended for English, it usually means it's going to suck in English.

__________________
Let's drown all our sorrows and we'll be gone till tomorrow...

Dies Irae, Dies Ilia, Solvet Saeclum In Favilla...

Yes, must still shut up.

CodyKun

hmm, Well, Explanations...are required for this. The lyrics I write tell a fixed story that I have written in other formants (tranditional story formats, scripts, musical, and lyrical). Thus, the lyrics are mainly a way to put the story to music, and create a world far more imaginative, beautiful, complex, and multi-layered than any other way it can be written. didn't give explanations of the song itself, merely small references within the lyrics.

Yes, a lot of the song is lost in translation.

Mystery

You see this is where you lose out to reality, a format that puts any boundary on you except write will never paint a greater picture than actually writing. Lyrical constraint is in size, verse, meter, rhyme, most importantly size. If you are going to write a story, write a story, if you are going to write a lyric, write a lyric. Trying to have the best of both words has never worked, and its not a deal time or ingenuity will sweeten.

__________________
Let's drown all our sorrows and we'll be gone till tomorrow...

Dies Irae, Dies Ilia, Solvet Saeclum In Favilla...

Yes, must still shut up.

CodyKun

I happen to disagree. I have seen the story approach used many times, and it works very well. It really depends on the writer. This song needs some work, I admit, but I do like the way the story is told.

lin

You've seen songs accompanied by explanations of what they mean? Where is that information?

What he's saying is that a piece has to stand on its own. And he's right. Singers don't have closed captions, generally.

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edropus

Now I'm really tempted to write a song where each refrain is an explanation of what I meant in the last verse.

Here I'm roopin' on a barrel
And I'm spinnin' 'round a pole
And the dizzyness is thrillin'
And it's freein' up my soul
But it's time to put m' shoes on
Wash m'face and clear m'sight
Kopple livin' won't defeat me
I'll be back again tonight

And by 'roopin' I mean sitting,
And by 'Kopple' I mean plain,
If the next verses confuse you,
Just hold on 'til the refrain

And so on.

CodyKun

oh...now I see what you're talking about. Well, the songs do stand on their own, but I typically include an explanation of certain references, for the people who want to see the story in the song.