Magnetic

This is my second song that I've posted on here. I have about ten more so if you like it I'll post more now I would appreciate "Constructive Criticism" not mean and rude posts, we can all be civil human beings. well, here it goes:
(Chorus)
You seethe
And blame me,
And everyone.
For your self inflicted pain!
(Verse 1)
You say I have an ulterior motive,
With nothing to gain
And it so obvious,
I ask why blame me?
For your self inflicted pain!
(Chorus)
You seethe
And blame me,
And everyone,
Yet again
For your self inflicted pain!
(Verse 2)
When the lights blink out
And the floor falls through
You still blame us
Though you know its no ones fault,
But your own
You're still blaming us?
Even though you know
It's all self inflicted.

kingajcice

I don't know, I've tried to play it through my head a few different ways and I can't even think of how the words could be put together to make a great or good sound. I'm not trying to be mean, I think the idea behind the lyrics is good, but really the words could be better placed. Depending on what kind of music it would be in, I would think it would rhyme it least once.


I would like to see some of the other things you've written, because it is a good idea for a song, just word placement and word usage isn't great for me. But I'm just an opinion of course, and I'm no expert in music.

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