Magnetic

This is just one that randomly sprung into my head, so its probably not that good. Its long and all songs I write tend to be about two people with problems with each other. Well here it goes:
(Verse 1)
Keeping the same feelings
Keeping the same regrets
All directed to a part of you
Deep and shallow
I wither and fade away
At your biting
Wicked stare
To get your attention!(screaming)X2
I will repeat
The same sardonic comments
All directed at you
(Chorus)
You’re repulsed
And have reason to be
But keep it from me
I
Don’t
Want
To hear it from you!
(Verse 2)
We go to square one
Thinking to solve our problems
When the same
Evil enters our minds
Helpless to resist
We begin to clash
With all of our hate!
(Chorus)
You’re repulsed
And have reason to be
But keep it from me!
You’re repulsed and have reason to be(repeat and fade off)

Olly Buckle

I looked because I thought "Is this OK" an original song title, but then I couldn't read it, please use a slightly larger font size.

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jdsd

Magnetic, I really don't know. I guess it depends on what your singing this to and the tempo.

o.o

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Magnetic

Well Olly Buckle, I'll post a larger size and jdsd i was just asking is it good lyric wise?
(Verse 1)
Keeping the same feelings
Keeping the same regrets
All directed to a part of you
Deep and shallow
I wither and fade away
At your biting
Wicked stare
To get your attention!(screaming)X2
I will repeat
The same sardonic comments
All directed at you
(Chorus)
You’re repulsed
And have reason to be
But keep it from me
I
Don’t
Want
To hear it from you!
(Verse 2)
We go to square one
Thinking to solve our problems
When the same
Evil enters our minds
Helpless to resist
We begin to clash
With all of our hate!
(Chorus)
You’re repulsed
And have reason to be
But keep it from me!
You’re repulsed and have reason to be(repeat and fade off)

lin

Title suggestion: "Dumped Again"

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Magnetic

I was actually thinking of "Repulsed" for the name. I was going to edit my title and put that but it wouldn't let me

Olly Buckle

I always have trouble with lyrics, so much depends on the musical presentation. I was originally in unanswered posts when I was attracted by the title (There just does not seem to be any facility for changing titles). I like it, with reservations, if it were a poem I would be asking about enjambments, where a line breaks but the thought continues on to the next line, they don't seem as important in a lyric as I would expect them to get lost in the musical rhythm, but they seem strange in places. Punctuation might help the meaning in places, for example,
All directed at you,
Deep and shallow.
I wither and fade away...
or
All directed at you.
Deep and shallow
I wither and fade away...
and does (screaming) X2 indicate that the word screaming is repeated or that the line is screamed and repeated?
A nasty selfish person, screaming to be heard and not wanting to listen to the repulsion he knows he causes, sounds just like most men, yes I do like it is my general impression.
An aside, but do you know where the phrase "Back to square one" comes from? In the early days of broadcasting when football was first broadcast on the radio they published a diagram of a football field divided up into numbered squares so that people would be able to follow the commentator and a pass back to the goalie was "Back to square one". Totally irrelevant and showing my age, which reminds me thank you for the larger script, I shall try and keep an eye out for your next contribution.

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