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Lyrics Original Song Lyrics.

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Old 04-21-2008, 06:23 PM   #1
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Absentia is on a distinguished road
Polar

Polar

Threads dangle dangerously from our sleeves,
around our hearts they weave - delicate veins
exposed for all to see: a love-note to enemies
“Unravel me”, the world’s subconscious plea

So afraid, so in love with the ring in our heads
No need for caller I.D. - the caller is uncertainty
an alias of chance; who with words blurs the line
Between picking up and being put down
---

I can't even remember how old this piece is, at least a year and a half I would say. Despite looking like a poem, my intent is for this to be sung so it is infact a lyric.
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Old 04-22-2008, 09:17 PM   #2
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Something is missing. All you have here is two verses of different metaphors with no connection, no point...it just doesn't work. You need a connection between the two, because at the moment, they could be the base for two completely different songs (and ONLY a base).
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Old 04-22-2008, 09:29 PM   #3
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I figured as much. I might tweak it to make it not terrible. Thanks.
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