faintly_distinguished

Insomnia hits!

Mucking around a bit with these, haven't got a first verse yet so this isn't from the top and verses will be added,rearranged. But any critique thus far would be much appreciated! If it gets as far, it will be sung to a light acoustic singsongy melody.

And you broke my only flashlight
Had to muster weary goodnights and walk
away
cos it's not like I can stay here
in this iridescent moonlight
have to put on my face
and face my day

(PROBABLE CHORUS)
And
I really can't look back
what if my mind decides to crack
And I might linger just halfway
Then I'd be lost of place to stay
I have a starting, I've got an ending
My middle's pending


And
That time up North parade with you
My jeans were torn and frayed but I was
Singing
My thoughts aloud on every note
Like sunlight coming from my throat
Your ears were ringing
oh while I was singing

(PROBABLE CHORUS)
And
I really can't look back
what if my mind decides to crack
And I might linger just halfway
Then I'd be lost of place to stay
I have a starting, I've got an ending
My middle's pending

LolliAdverbs

First off, I love that you start mid-thought. There are something that I wouldn't necessarily write the same way, but I'm a big enough person to know that writing styles differ. My overall opinions is: thumbs up!

I wish I knew the melody though. Melody can make even the most mediocre of lyrics fantastic. What style were you planning to write this in?

Since it's a song, I do have some comments. For the probably chorus,
"I have a starting, I've got an ending / My middle's pending"
I would change the I have to I got. Songs have rhythm, after all, and I've got twice in a row makes syncopation easier. And I have a word suggestion: But the climax is pending.

But still, I liked it. Good job!