Bloody Dream of a Fukachan - Writers Forum

CodyKun · 04-16-2008, 01:32 PM

Broken down, a sad face
The fakuchan with spread open legs
This is the stupid reality of her worthless existence
Fingering her enclosed regions, tears running down her face

The sounds of music come from within
But her sorrows don’t let the sounds invade
The silent doll, takes the knife
Taste the blood, shining lover

Open the world within
Let the life stream flow freely
In rejection freedom is earned
These chains will be emptied

“Naku ni Nakenai”
She whispers the words through red lips
The faces of those who know her intentions
Point and laugh, a stained tattered doll

The sounds from within try to reach her
But she’s too far away to be moved
The Fakuchan revolves in cricles
The artwork of her fading life forever staining the cement

Tear up the world within
Break the barriers of the life stream
In others disgust the joy of oneself is found
The darkness will overtake your mind

The sad bangya runs far from the concert grounds
Not hearing the sound of screeching wheels
[………….]
Who was she anyway?

NOTES:
*Fakuchan: Litte miss "fuck me", refers to girls who go to concerts hoping to have sex with band members.

*Naku ni Nakenai: In crying I cannot cry...basically the Japanese equivilant of saying "It's so pathetic I can't even cry."

*Bangya: Band girl, the Japanese equivilant of a groupie.

Mystery · 04-16-2008, 02:36 PM

What part of putting in Japanese words into your 99% english lyric seemed like a good idea?

CodyKun · 04-16-2008, 03:21 PM

Gah >.<

Forgive me for the double post!

CodyKun · 04-16-2008, 03:21 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Mystery

What part of putting in Japanese words into your 99% english lyric seemed like a good idea?

the whole song is going to be Japanese, aside from certain areas, but I included the Japanese words instead of english equivilants because they worked better with the flow.

Mystery · 04-17-2008, 02:42 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by CodyKun

the whole song is going to be Japanese, aside from certain areas, but I included the Japanese words instead of english equivilants because they worked better with the flow.

And so I revise my question.
At what point did it seem like a good idea to ask English writers for advice and critisism on something that is going to be sung in a language they don't understand, without writing in in that language?

How are we supposed to find bad rhyming or flow obstructions etc if its in japanese?

CodyKun · 04-17-2008, 06:24 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Mystery

And so I revise my question.
At what point did it seem like a good idea to ask English writers for advice and critisism on something that is going to be sung in a language they don't understand, without writing in in that language?

How are we supposed to find bad rhyming or flow obstructions etc if its in japanese?

it's not the flow/rhyming I really want reviewed, it's the content, the story, and how the story is expressed. I should express this when I post lyrics.