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panicnight26 · 04-15-2008, 02:55 PM

The dirty laughing beats
(That my heart rebounds the feats)
There lies a little cry
(Captivated by my eyes)
So crucial fragile son
(Won’t surrender till’ we're done)

Somewhere inside me, I
just can’t control thee

Cause I,
I pace this path
And face this past
(Wish I could fly away)
And still
I still can’t dream
When I’m asleep
(a conscience thinks aloud)

Wish I could fake my life
(Wish I could take it all away)
Wish I could find my mind
(Wish I could send it all astray)
Wish I could love and live
(Wish I could only learn and give)

But I can’t think,
and I can’t breath

Cause I
I pace this path
Face this past
With I could fly away
And still
Still can’t dream
When I’m asleep
Can’t pretend I’m a friend

Crash_Tomas · 04-15-2008, 03:27 PM

very interesting, the rhyme scheme is pretty steady for the most part, and flows very fast. Kind of like a punk rock feel to it. Or could even pass for something chris cornell would sing.

kaytea111 · 04-15-2008, 07:29 PM

very nice
i like it

it has kind of like an 'army'? beat to it. like strong and steady.
where the lines in brackets are the soldiers yelling back to the officer (or w/e)

i like it. relatable.

T.W. North · 04-15-2008, 10:36 PM

It's quite decent. Nothing amazing, but still better than alot of stuff I see. Definitely a power ballad, without a doubt in my mind.