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| Lyrics Original Song Lyrics. |
04-12-2008, 05:52 PM
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#1
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Writer
Join Date: Apr 2008
Posts: 47
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Elegy to a Passing Ghost
So, this is a song I wrote a while ago...I was pretty depressed when I wrote it... Its acoustic, I have the guitar written for it... What do you think???
Hello world, hello friends and family
I’m sorry for the things that have been done
this path has been set in motion
This fall can not be stopped
So stay safe, and don’t worry
Because I’ll be waiting for you
waiting for you, waiting for you
just past that bright white light
waiting for you in the afterlife
Tell the world, tell my friends and family
it’s no their fault, and it’s not an insult
I just can’t go on lieing to myself
lieing about being happy, and falling in love...
???advice, coments, etc???
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04-12-2008, 08:52 PM
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#2
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Best Seller
Join Date: Oct 2007
Location: Keyport, Nj
Gender: Male
Posts: 660
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Hmmm, first thought comes into my head is how some wordplay or imagery can spice this up. Also, it seems a bit too short, maybe throw in a chorus or something to lengthen it out.
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04-12-2008, 09:22 PM
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#3
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Best Seller
Join Date: Jan 2007
Gender: Male
Posts: 509
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I have a feeling the middle verse would best work as a chorus, I can see it being catchy. It does seem a little sparse overall...
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04-12-2008, 09:26 PM
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#4
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Best Seller
Join Date: Oct 2007
Location: Keyport, Nj
Gender: Male
Posts: 660
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Quote:
Originally Posted by T.W. North
I have a feeling the middle verse would best work as a chorus, I can see it being catchy. It does seem a little sparse overall...
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actually reading it over again I think the middle verse might be the chorus, because of the difference in tone and wording. |
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04-12-2008, 09:31 PM
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#5
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Addict
Join Date: Sep 2007
Location: in a body
Gender: Private
Posts: 141
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Honestly, it seems an incomplete suicide note and I find the title is too pretentious for it. However, as I haven't heard the whole thing (I mean, the song), I can't say anything else.
Quote:
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I just can’t go on lieing to myself
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I think it's lying.
__________________
"All, all is theft, all is unceasing and rigorous competition in nature; the desire to make off with the substance of others is the foremost - the most legitimate - passion nature has bred into us and, without doubt, the most agreeable one."
Marquis de Sade
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04-14-2008, 04:10 PM
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#6
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Writer
Join Date: Apr 2008
Posts: 47
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Quote:
Originally Posted by T.W. North
I have a feeling the middle verse would best work as a chorus, I can see it being catchy. It does seem a little sparse overall...
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It is the chorus...
I didn't write it out how it is sung, but the chorus is inserted after the second verse...
I apreciate the feedback... |
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