Finding your Dreams - Writers Forum

Nefieslab · 04-12-2008, 03:59 AM

This is a bit slow and soft for me... usually I break things during the creative process... but I just felt like doing this. For a friend.

Finding your dreams

Finding your dreams…
Is never easy.
But I swear,
To you…
That I will try…
To help you fulfil,
That dream of yours.

I will find you,
No matter where…
You hide from the light.
I will guide you…
Through the open fields,
Until we find…
Until we find…
Until we find,
Your dreams.

I don’t care if…
It takes a lifetime.
I will find you…
And help you through…
The darkest times.

I will find you,
No matter where…
You hide from the light.
I will guide you…
Through the open fields,
Until we find…
Until we find…
Until we find,
Your dreams.

I’ve tried to talk to you,
But you shy away,
From the touch of others.
But you don’t know…
What we really think.
But you don’t know…
What we know.
You don’t know…
That we love you.

I will find you,
No matter where…
You hide from the light.
I will guide you…
Through the open fields,
Until we find…
Until we find…
Until we find,
Your dreams.

Well there have it,
I’ve told you everything…
I’ve poured my heart out…
And given my all.
Holding onto…
One hope so small.
The hope that you’ll come back again…
Somehow…
I’ll make it happen.

I will find you,
No matter where…
You hide from the light.
I will guide you…
Through the open fields,
Until we find…
Until we find…
Until we find,
Your dreams.

Dedicated to Kirby. Never stop hoping girl

Tom · 04-12-2008, 08:37 AM

You have a way with lyrics Nefie, very different from anyone I've seen write them before. But its for the better, as I really like these lyrics, not only the imagery but the words used seemed to be just right.

Lovely mate,

Tom.

Nefieslab · 04-12-2008, 09:13 AM

I personally think that i'm terrible at lyrics... mainly because when I write a song I do it the wrong way round and make the lyrics first.
thanks though Tom.

Damian_Rucci · 04-12-2008, 09:33 AM

I agree you have a different way with lyrics but I like it. It's has it's own voice to it. Btw, I write the lyrics first too, partly because I suck at guitar

Mystery · 04-12-2008, 09:51 AM

It's long, it's dreary, its boring and its narrative.

However, I think I need to explain or I sound bitchy.

You're telling a story plain and frank, and theres nothing wrong with that sir, but it's like eating a rather tasty if bland ham and cheese sandwich. It's find, but if you had the choice wouldn't you want something more? A slice of cucumber a fragment of tomato a drippling of mayonnaise or a dash of Parmesan or pepper?

Basically, it's too much something that's not special. But if ordinary is your gig, go for it.

Nefieslab · 04-12-2008, 10:07 AM

thanks for the comments... even the negative one.
As I said before, this is not my usual work so it is bound to be worse than my normal work if not just for lack of practice.
once again than you for all comments.

Industrial · 04-12-2008, 03:05 PM

heh. Honestly I don't understand why everyone is saying you have a way with lyrics.

I basically agree with Mystery, this is nothing new, I've seen this type of thing thrown around countless times.

but hey, it doesn't matter what your subject is as long as you make it you own; and thats my problem with it, its a nice little song but it doesn't really show any unique aspects.

I really hate judging lyrics though because a large part of the lyrics is how it blends with the music. But considering your statement, "mainly because when I write a song I do it the wrong way round and make the lyrics first.," I have to guess its not that good on a whole.

Not to sound mean or shit man I'm just trying to give you some criticism, makes you wanna bang harder son.

keep at it s

Nefieslab · 04-12-2008, 11:57 PM

once again thanks for the comments, even the negative ones, they shall be used to make me a better writer. though i have to admit Mystery's advice mainly seems to just be nothing but, 'It's not original, i don't like it.' and so can't really be called advice.

Mystery · 04-13-2008, 05:32 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Nefieslab

once again thanks for the comments, even the negative ones, they shall be used to make me a better writer. though i have to admit Mystery's advice mainly seems to just be nothing but, 'It's not original, i don't like it.' and so can't really be called advice.

This is why you shouldn't ask for criticism if you're low on reading comprehension.

Here, I'll make it simple: Learn to use literary devices, language, and exploit creativity to make it better.

Nefieslab · 04-13-2008, 10:13 AM

I didn't want to over complicate this song as it was simply a message to a friend. I decided to post it here to see if the message was clear. The message was clear and therefore I am happy with the finished product. Now would you please stop flaming me because you don't like the song/the structure?

Mystery · 04-15-2008, 09:00 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Nefieslab

I didn't want to over complicate this song as it was simply a message to a friend. I decided to post it here to see if the message was clear. The message was clear and therefore I am happy with the finished product. Now would you please stop flaming me because you don't like the song/the structure?

Flaming would be me calling you a fucking moron... which at this point you've proven you are.

Personal dedications that equate to no effort needed for impression = no point asking for help on improving.