Sam Roth

This is a song from a musical that I am working on. Of course, this isn't the opening number, but I had the clearest ideas for it so I went ahead and wrote these lyrics first.

Just so you are pretty much caught up with what is going on in the song; Lucian, the protagonist, has been impaled by a guard's spear. They are hiding in a dark corridor inside the palace of Lord Magsig, the antagonist. Audin - a friend of Lucian, as well as a expert herbalist and healer - cannot think of any remedy for his wounds except for an immortality spell she learned as an eager child. Using the spell would take more energy than she has within her, which means she would die as the spell is cast. Feeling something more than just friendship, Audin begins the incantation.

Anyway, here it is. Enjoy! ^_^

Sung parts are colored indigo, while spoken parts are left black.

AUDIN
(worried) Oh no, Lucian!

This was a dumb idea, / why do we go on?
We have no chance to win! / It’s lasted way too long!

(spoken) I need to help him!
(mumbling) Ahh... think Audin, think!

Either way one must face death. / That said should I carry on?
Should I volunteer my final breath, so / Lucian can see the coming dawn?

(spoken) Yes! I put my faith in him! I know he’ll carry on!

Now on my final whim, and / I don’t have any...

(screamed) Ahh! No, they’re coming! They’re coming!

[She ponders for a moment.]

(chanting) Mmm... ahh... lorick weld venyeen lidvaar! Oh... ahh... lorick weld venyeen lidvar!!

(shouting, growing weaker) Let him carry on! Let him finish this foul tyrant!


We cannot turn back now. / I have given...
I have...

(screamed) Ahh!!!

[She chokes and falls to the floor, dead. Lucian gains consciousness.]


LUCIAN
(shouted) Audin!

What have they done to you? / You’ve done all in the name of good!
What have you done to me? / If only I understood...

This tragic loss hits home... / Perhaps this is just a dream?
Please, don’t let my mind roam! / I’d spare you, if by just one seam!


~PAGE BREAK IN SCRIPT~

LUCIAN (continued)
I do not think that I can cope / the rest of eternity to wander!
You have given thousands hope, and / you should be the one who lives longer!

I solemnly swear my power to good.
Just to please you, I will spare / the thousands of lives that should be / used to repay their debt to you, / used to make up for my despair!

If I can, Audin Silverwind, I will / bring you back to my side.
Together we can flee, we can hide / from all that troubles us.
All that hurts us...

I will love you ’till the day I die!
When that is, I’m not sure. Why / have you placed this curse on me, / forbidding us from reuniting?

(spoken) My love for you is immortal...
(growing rage) It is just like me! It will never die!
(calmer) I love you...

SamsonNorth

It seemed pretty good to me, of course it is difficult to say since I don't know what the accompaning music sounds like, nor do I know the back story of where we would be at this point in the musical.

One part that was a little confusing - who's "lives should be used to repay their debt to you" ? Are you saying that the people they are saving should be killed because Audin died? I don't know if that makes sense or not, or if I am just looking at it wrong.

-Samson

Sam Roth

SamsonNorth

As I said, with this little excerpt a reader on the Forum doesn't quite know the back story or what the characters are really doing... who is fighting and who they are fighting for/against. Clearly you know what is going on so I guess that's all that matters. Good luck with the rest of it.