Gnomes Amok

atlas wasnt so special,
we all carry the weight of the world
on our shoulders nestled,
we all marry the fate of the world
guess thats why im munchin mescal
cause i cant feel the pain of the strain
when im on the otherside,
found in visions of paradise
thats just my vice.
its not my life.
i tried to keep it real,
but the real kept piling on strife.
i cant sit still under the knife.
thats just the basic facts.
maybe this to shall pass,
but i plan to outlast.
see, we've an army amassed.
a working class
of broken backs,
two-steppin over every crack.
this is only a test,
but my people,
weve already passed.
crying out free at last,
free at last,
im stocking up on fresh air
while my freedom lasts.
so whatever you do..
dont get me wrong,
i really held on to that siren song.
im not a non-believer
im just a non-deciever
fuckin,
look around
we have to change the world now
i aint holding out
for the grandiose cosmic saviour.
sure,
i used to lap up that shit.
but then i got older
saw something was amiss.
saw gatekeepers crossing names off their lists
i cant dismiss my conscious,
ride a listing ship,
picture this.
a young man with struggles
tryin to pull some faith from up out of the rubble
thats beggin for trouble.
cause while the drugs'll,
make you see some things fantasy
when the brainstorm settles,
he percieves reality
with an unforgiving clarity.
accepts no charity.
cause its like his eyes
already opened to wide
and he can see whats inside,
of all he surveys.
and its not a god,
or some holy spirit born in space
merely a trace
outline
of something beautiful and complex
not the biblical kind,
but a miracle nonetheless.
stress test your intent.

im just sick and tired of coping with ignorance
mans mammoth-sized ego can be the cruelest of mistresses
i gut a truth,
while you stitch a lie
but when you run out of thread
i'll still hold the knife

cause every year im first in line, renewing my membership
in a club of stubborn lugs who outnumber your delegates
i make a move
for every step you take forward
till i circumvent your steps
and drive your kind from our borders

ive never been good
at taking orders
instead im placing orders for solders
so when theres no more sons & daughters
and they're all out of martyrs
we'll have the tools necesary
to apply heat to those responsible.
stop and think.
bang your head on the bathroom sink
whatever it takes
to shake off the Brinks
home security system
thats wrapped around your cerebrum
lest you willingly regress
and let your mind become
a mold.
ushered subtly into the fold
sworn by the code,
of silver and gold
till you age old.
watching your freewill erode,
like a mountain against the shore
every last grain of dissent
dissolved to the ocean floor.
me?
i expect more
you expect a return
to the way things were before
but when was this?
i dont think it ever was
not even before the flood
since the dawn of man,
first instincts were out for blood.
then they learned how to build guns.
and that was it for everyone.
and soldiers lined the streets
like junkies
hunting down a buzz.
im not the only one,
that finds that fucked up.
the modern day might as well be the dark ages
when fucks still
cant give their guns up.
trust nobody.
except me.
and irene, and smokey,
and people like we.
if a few drops are dirty
the ocean does not become dirty
thats Ghandi
contumacy the key
defiance of the giants
and the injustice they oversee
my reliance in the guidance
of my soul allows me to be
do you see?

im just sick and tired of coping with ignorance
mans mammoth-sized ego can be the cruelest of mistresses
i gut a truth,
while you stitch a lie
but when you run out of thread
i'll still hold the knife

cause every year im first in line, renewing my membership
in a club of stubborn lugs who outnumber your delegates
i make a move
for every step you take forward
till i circumvent your steps
and drive your kind from our borders

HeartShapedBox

There's A LOT of lyric!
Ha, it's nice.
is there a planned rhyme scheme?
because reading that, is kinda funky.
I think you should work on structure,
and edit a bit.
Decide maybe if there's too much passion
for just one song.
The problem is with a lot of art,
is that
people will put so much passion into one piece,
that it will end up being HUGE.
and chaotic.
Try finding a way to say all of that
in a more compact and effective way.
Or divide it into two different works.

I hope to see this again, much improved,
and neatened up.
Thank you.
It was an enjoyable read.
mIa.

__________________

Gnomes Amok

There's always to much passion for one song. Thats why I write many. Thats why Ill never run out of songs to write. This isnt an endeavor in condensity, if you think this song is all that lengthy, you need to dig into the whole spectrum of music quite a bit deeper.

It isnt two different works. It is one song. One message. There is no flak, and every line is essential.

"Say all of that" by saying less? What are you talking about? That makes no sense.

Ive come to the conclusion that I dont take you seriously anyway, maybe if you didnt construct your paragraphs like your enter key is sticking.

T.W. North

Well, maybe you'll listen to me then, because she's right. There's just too much here, and without enough change to actually capture anyone's attention. I love these lyrics, I can't stress that enough, but there's just too much. I know it's hard to cut down on something you've worked hard on and which means alot to you, but sometimes it's necessary to create a better piece. Believe me, I know. I've thought some of my stuff was perfect before, but upon editing it down a little, I realised it was even better. The most powerful songs I've ever heard are not, in fact, epics, but rather 3 to 4 minute songs with all the passion in the world compacted down into it. Take 'Mad World' or 'Everybody Hurts'. Amazingly powerful songs, neither are epics.

Gnomes Amok

Then youd be surprised to know that despite the apparently overwhelming content of the song (which I still disagree with), its duration ends up at four minutes and nineteen seconds. And the vocals only make up about half that time. This is no epic. Its a revolving cypher.

"Believe me, I know" he says, but im guessing our differences are rooted in two seperate interpretations of music rather than actual rights and wrongs.. maybe if every word were sung out with emphasis the length of this song would be ridiculous, but they're not.. so it isnt.

Trust me, I understand that truncation has its purposes.. maybe for a lengthy ballad, or something similarly alien to this genre, but in the context of <b>this</song>, and most songs I write, cutting down parts would only serve to make it incomplete. Seriously, if you think this is wordy, you should listen to Aesop Rock, or maybe just google some of his lyrics.

I appreciate the interest though..

T.W. North

...Before throwing in the genre argument, actually say what the genre is.