SHORT END OF THE STICK - Writers Forum

Chris71 · 03-03-2008, 10:18 AM

SHORT END OF THE STICK

Lord, why'd you make that woman
If you didn't want my heart to feel so sad
Every time I go out with her
I know I'm gonna come home hurting bad

Every time I get my hopes up high
She turns around and gives my heart a kick
She takes off with some other guy
And I go home with the short end of the stick

CHORUS
Well, I'm getting sick and tired, of the short end of the stick
Maybe love's to fast for me, I never was that quick
I turn around, every time I hear, a pair of high heels click
But every night I still go home, with the short end of the stick

Lord, I think I'll swear off women
Go out and buy a big old dog instead
He'll like me just the way I am
And won't mind sharing half of this old bed

Cause, I think I'm never gonna' know
The secret of what makes a woman tick
As close as I can figure it out
It's giving me the short end of the stick

CHORUS
Well, I'm getting sick and tired, of the short end of the stick
Maybe love's too fast for me, I never was that quick
I turn around, every time I hear, a pair of high heels click
But every night, I still go home with the short end of the stick

Chris71

CMM_Kaleido · 03-20-2008, 11:37 PM

True to form--light and endearing!

Chris71 · 03-21-2008, 11:53 AM

My life story, just 'sob' kidding. "sob,sob,sob."

T.W. North · 03-21-2008, 07:27 PM

You rhyme stick far too much. Try other words. Also don't describe hurt as 'bad' it just doesn't work. Overall, theres a good story going on here, I especially like the whole part of getting a dog instead, however, you could probably pull it off much better and also not so obviously.

Chris71 · 03-22-2008, 11:52 PM

I can't help it, I just love to rhyme. Remember on most songs, you only have three minutes to tell the whole story and the chorus, two or three times. The chorus and the hook has to tell the listener, what the song is about.

T.W. North · 03-23-2008, 03:17 AM

Not in such blatant terms though. Don't reply as though I know nothing about writing lyrics, I do know a fair bit, I've taught myself extensively over the past two years. And it doesn't matter if you love to rhyme, if you're going to rhyme, rhyme WELL. And not just the same word over and over again.

Chris71 · 03-23-2008, 11:15 PM

Go to "Sweet tender lies"