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| Lyrics Original Song Lyrics. |
02-16-2008, 11:05 AM
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#1
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Prolific Writer
Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: In a cardboard box!
Gender: Female
Posts: 270
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Song; This one is gone
What you gonna say now? what you gonna do?
All your little lies caught up with you,
Who you going to run to? Who will be there?
Because it is over, we are through,
Cry me a river, I dont care,
All your little sob stories just arnt there,
You say this and you say that,
Thats bull man, what the hell?
(chorus)
all your lies and all your shit,
Im laughing now; your a dick,
It was a mistake to ever say yes,
It was a mistake to ever say yes,
All your girls, they juss line up,
take one of them because this one is gone,
You gonna get a rebound? Or was I that?
Was I just another test run?
Was I ever ever something special like you said?
You dont do much, your a failure, its true
(chorus)
all your lies and all your shit,
Im laughing now; your a dick,
It was a mistake to ever say yes,
It was a mistake to ever say yes,
All your girls, they juss line up,
take one of them because this one is gone,
im so sorry man but this needs to all be said,
I know this song is cold, and im proably being a bitch,
So dont ask how or dont ask why..
Im not mad, its just not right..
(chorus)
all your lies and all your shit,
Im laughing now; your a dick,
It was a mistake to ever say yes,
It was a mistake to ever say yes,
All your girls, they juss line up,
take one of them because this one is gone,
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02-16-2008, 01:36 PM
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#2
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Best Seller
Join Date: Oct 2007
Location: Keyport, Nj
Gender: Male
Posts: 660
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Quote:
Originally Posted by kaytea111
What you gonna say now? what you gonna do?
All your little lies caught up with you,
Who you going to run to? Who will be there?
Because it is over, we are through,
(this first verse should be stronger. it seems too simple with no use of imagery at all. I think the first verse needs to stand out more)
Cry me a river, I don't care,
All your little sob stories just aren't there,
You say this and you say that,
Thats bull man, what the hell?
(The first line is a big problem. It is very ciche and bland. The last line is utterly terrible. Drop it,it has no meaning and it doesn't help out the lyric at all)
(chorus)
all your lies and all your shit,
I'm laughing now; your a dick,
It was a mistake to ever say yes,
It was a mistake to ever say yes,
All your girls, they just line up,
take one of them because this one is gone,
You gonna get a rebound? Or was I that?
Was I just another test run?
Was I ever ever something special like you said?
You don't do much, your a failure, its true
( My favorite verse of the lyric, but still needs work with imagery)
(chorus)
all your lies and all your shit,
I'm laughing now; your a dick,
It was a mistake to ever say yes,
It was a mistake to ever say yes,
All your girls, they just line up,
take one of them, because this one is gone,
i'm so sorry man but this needs to all be said,
I know this song is cold, and i'm probably being a bitch,
So don't ask how or don't ask why..
I'm not mad, its just not right..
(Drop this verse its bad, its terrible, pointless, you don't need it)
(chorus)
all your lies and all your shit,
I'm laughing now; your a dick,
It was a mistake to ever say yes,
It was a mistake to ever say yes,
All your girls, they just line up,
take one of them because this one is gone,
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All in all these lyrics are definitely not one of your best. It sounds a bit rushed, you need to take your time and add some imagery and think what lines really do affect the songs, and what lines ruin it |
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02-16-2008, 07:14 PM
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#3
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Best Seller
Join Date: Jan 2007
Gender: Male
Posts: 530
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^I do find your crit amusing Damian because almost your entire crit was the opposite of what you were saying only recently, but if you've changed your mind, sweet.
Anyway, I do agree with him, escept for the fact that he didn't say anything about the chorus, which happens to be the worst few lines of the song. To say its terrible is an understatement. Considering I know what you're capable of, I'm disappointed, however, we all churn out bad stuff every now and then, so I'll ignore that. =P
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02-17-2008, 12:41 PM
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#4
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Best Seller
Join Date: Oct 2007
Location: Keyport, Nj
Gender: Male
Posts: 660
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Quote:
Originally Posted by T.W. North
^I do find your crit amusing Damian because almost your entire crit was the opposite of what you were saying only recently, but if you've changed your mind, sweet.
Anyway, I do agree with him, escept for the fact that he didn't say anything about the chorus, which happens to be the worst few lines of the song. To say its terrible is an understatement. Considering I know what you're capable of, I'm disappointed, however, we all churn out bad stuff every now and then, so I'll ignore that. =P
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yeh I realize how important imagery is |
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