I'm Lost. - Writers Forum

Tom · 02-13-2008, 03:05 PM

Another song by me, inspired by nothing really and not as long as my other songs, but something. I hope you enjoy, and cannot wait for you feedback. Thanks in advance for the criticism.

Im Lost:

Tropical palms open, grass begins colouring itself,
Painted upon the texture, what’s all this happiness about?
Ocean’s as clean as paper, wood is as smooth as it could be,
Though with all this positive output, sitting alone that would be me,

Hidden beneath the light,
Lies memories of the night,
The darkness swallows me whole…

And even when I try to escape,
Bombarded and trapped in this place,
The darkness swallows me whole…

I’m Lost, my soul crushed like grain,
And even in the sun, I’m trapped in this rain,
Alone and engulfed by all this sadness,
I feel so ashamed and embraced by madness,
But at what cost,
I’m Lost,

People arrive excited, prepared for the wonder and the joy,
Yet the mystery goes unsolved, the mystery of this lonely boy,
They dance and they sing, without a care in the world,
Though ongoing terror, his life been crashed and burned,

Captured without a reason,
Entangled within his treason,
The darkness swallows him whole…

Lying about how they treat him,
Starve him, leave him, beat him,
The darkness swallows him whole…

I’m Lost, my soul crushed like grain,
And even in the sun, I’m trapped in this rain,
Alone and engulfed by all this sadness,
I feel so ashamed and embraced by madness,
But at what cost,
I’m Lost,

Locked in a cell,
My own personal hell,

The darkness swallows me whole…

Damian_Rucci · 02-13-2008, 04:02 PM

Quite deep, quite deep. Only thing I can see near a critique would be the line "the darkness swallows me whole" There is nothing wrong with it, but it sounds a tiny bit cliche`. but thats in my own opinion, even with the lines it still looks great

Tom · 02-14-2008, 12:24 PM

Thanks Damian, and I can sort of see what you're saying with the whole cliche idea.

Thanks for the feedback though, and I'll try and work on it.