Manipulation and Suicide - Writers Forum

nia mora · 02-07-2008, 09:54 AM

**WARNING**
Expicit launguage

So you're the queen on compassion
And I'm the definition of disaster
What ever source you're using is a load of sh_t
Because the last time I checked
I was everything you wanted to be
and you were just another knife in my back

chorus:
Guess what, I'm done, you're gone
Give up because I'm not trying
I'm tired of all your goddamn lying
So just leave me the hell alone
And I will be okay for once

This is the last time you'll use me
And make me feel like this life's not worth living
Your negativity has set this room ablaze
And the only thing that can put it out
Is my naievty

chorus

Okay so I admit, I was wrong
So what if I'm a disaster
At least I'm not a cold-hearted manipulative b_tch
that uses people's emotions as a play thing

chorus

Maybe if you stop lying
You won't have to kill yourself
To realize the truth...

Damian_Rucci · 02-10-2008, 11:31 AM

Very nice, very nice, I like it a lot. It is interesting and good

nia mora · 02-10-2008, 06:14 PM

thank you! i wrote it when i was very angry lol.

Damian_Rucci · 02-10-2008, 07:40 PM

lol I can tell. I like it because it expresses anger while it still uses imagery

nia mora · 02-11-2008, 12:17 PM

yeah its funny though because i always write really awesome stuff when im not trying. but when i go and TRY to write i cant think of anything!

Damian_Rucci · 02-11-2008, 01:04 PM

same here exactly. I can't force myself to write, it just happens

T.W. North · 02-13-2008, 02:38 AM

Okay, this has a few good points but mostly bad points. You really need to learn to convey anger simply through imagery and a bitterness to the wording. Don't make it blatently obvious, we've all heard 'sick of your lying' 'you're a bitch' and that's mostly what this song is saying. Say it in a new way please.

nia mora · 02-13-2008, 09:13 AM

yes we've all heard those phrases before. whats different about it is that i said it in my own way. giving it meaning to me. i don't care if other people write about the same things. it is that 20th century. there is no originality left in the world. and btw, not everything needs imagery to get a point across. but thank you for the input.

the song is meant to be straight to the point. how else am i supposed to describe the person? i believe that they are a "cold-hearted manipulative b_itch" thats why i said it. i am "tired of all your (their) goddamn lying."

Damian_Rucci · 02-13-2008, 09:21 AM

I agree, some songs just need to be straight forward like this one

nia mora · 02-13-2008, 01:05 PM

yeah, thanks damian. most of my poetry uses imagery. so its not like i don't know hot to use it

T.W. North · 02-14-2008, 12:18 AM

Well, if it was only meant to convey meaning for you, don't post it. Seriously, you didn't particularly say it in your own way even, it's straight forward genericness. You CAN still be original. Yes, you don't always need imagery, but when it comes to writing this sort of lyrics...yes you do. This sort of lyric belongs to the bands that all critics hate. Because anyone can write these lyrics.

nia mora · 02-14-2008, 08:44 AM

alright. thanks. i understand not everyone will be happy. but i am.

Mystery · 02-14-2008, 12:05 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by nia mora

yes we've all heard those phrases before. whats different about it is that i said it in my own way. giving it meaning to me. i don't care if other people write about the same things. it is that 20th century. there is no originality left in the world. and btw, not everything needs imagery to get a point across. but thank you for the input.

the song is meant to be straight to the point. how else am i supposed to describe the person? i believe that they are a "cold-hearted manipulative b_itch" thats why i said it. i am "tired of all your (their) goddamn lying."

No Originality left?

I go out tomorrow and decide that a big metal X is the best form of top body wear, and create a line of clothing that brandishes my new Metal X tops. Original idea.

You have failed in your primary function as a human being, Curiosity, Ingenuity, creativity. The only people who think there's no originality left are those without the caliber to make something original.

By the way, this is a critique board, you get critique, wherever it's good for you doesn't matter and isn't an excuse.

Damian_Rucci · 02-14-2008, 01:41 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Mystery

No Originality left?

I go out tomorrow and decide that a big metal X is the best form of top body wear, and create a line of clothing that brandishes my new Metal X tops. Original idea.

You have failed in your primary function as a human being, Curiosity, Ingenuity, creativity. The only people who think there's no originality left are those without the caliber to make something original.

By the way, this is a critique board, you get critique, wherever it's good for you doesn't matter and isn't an excuse.

thats a little harsh isn't it? There is no need to say that some failed as a human being. I understand this is a critique board, but still. Ranting about the person gives no help to their writing.

Mystery · 02-14-2008, 02:12 PM

I don't have a harsh and kind mode. I'm brutally straight forward and honest, when I say something I'm not trying to offend or be offensive, it's what I 100% believe/judge/now.