kingajcice

I don't know if I should say this, but this would be a rock song...

Hatred and pain,
suffering,
my name is death and you see what I bring,
The light is gone,
and the Darkness leads,
Eternal Sleep if you know what I mean,
The light goes away,
as the shade settles in,
I show you darkness I show your sin,
Everyone dies,
in the end,
Welcome to the Eternal Death...

Chorus
______
Welcome to the Eternal Death,
Everyone loses their life, my friend,
Welcome to the Eternal Death,
Everyone loses their light in the end,
Welcome to the Eternal Death,
Everyone loses their sight my friend,
Everyone dies, in the end,
Welcome to the Eternal Death

Chorus Followup
______________
Welcome to your, new Cell,
Welcome, Welcome, Welcome, to H**l

Repeat Verse 1
Repeat Chorus *2
Repeat Chorus Followup

Welcome to H**l!

I'll take any criticism, I'm not expecting any great reviews, I just came up with it without any inspiration or anything like that.

__________________
"Life's a box of crackers,"
"How?"
"I don't know,"

JHB

Sounds like it should be one of those screamo songs.

kingajcice

It's more low and slower paced like a GodSmack song

__________________
"Life's a box of crackers,"
"How?"
"I don't know,"

JHB

I see...


Works for me.

Mystery

Stop polluting my favorite Genre.

__________________
Let's drown all our sorrows and we'll be gone till tomorrow...

Dies Irae, Dies Ilia, Solvet Saeclum In Favilla...

Yes, must still shut up.

kingajcice

geez, just a song, do you hate anybody with a song? I'd like criticism, not hatred thx.

__________________
"Life's a box of crackers,"
"How?"
"I don't know,"

Mystery

I get angry when people confuse music with something it isn't, on purpose.

Yes, I'm a musician.

__________________
Let's drown all our sorrows and we'll be gone till tomorrow...

Dies Irae, Dies Ilia, Solvet Saeclum In Favilla...

Yes, must still shut up.

kingajcice

Ok then, I would listen to the song if Godsmack sang it to the beat I sing it to, so...

I'm not a musician, I mean I can sing well, but I can't use any instruments and I choose not to sing in front of anyone other than my family and a few friends.

__________________
"Life's a box of crackers,"
"How?"
"I don't know,"

Mystery

This is getting tedious, of course you'd listen to it, like you said, you are musically ignorant.

__________________
Let's drown all our sorrows and we'll be gone till tomorrow...

Dies Irae, Dies Ilia, Solvet Saeclum In Favilla...

Yes, must still shut up.

kingajcice

Oh my gosh, you do realize I'm not arguing with you right? Geez, aren't you at least going to use something to back yourself up, you don't sound very smart when all you do is insult someone who has nothing against you. my god.

And by the way, I never said I was musically Ignorant

__________________
"Life's a box of crackers,"
"How?"
"I don't know,"

kingajcice

And honestly, I'm pretty sure you prejudged me before you even made any comments. I listen to practically ever genre there is, I'm not some punk*** kid who only listens to some hard rock.

__________________
"Life's a box of crackers,"
"How?"
"I don't know,"

Mystery

I love being called out.

First let me tell you something about myself, I'm an elitist musician, I've studied music for ages, and I play several instruments at an above average level(way above).

You are a kid, because for some reason you connect dark imagery like this with metal. Metal is a form of music, not lyric or poetry.

Also, the reason I don't like it, aside from the massive cliche and lack of any original vocabulary or phrasing, is that you didn't say jack shit. Sure, you stringed a lot of things together that make sense when you think about it, but what did you say? What did you prove? Wheres the story development?

Besides telling us the obvious with fancy, it's repetitive(notice, not constant repetition), and it does something I really hate. Say the exact same thing 4 times over with different wording. Also you say mundane things like "Eternal death". Death is eternal, you die, game over.(Go, bring in reincarnation please).

Why don't I like it? Same reason I didn't like more of it, unimaginative, cliche, undeveloped, effortless gimmick that just seems like you're trying really hard to be dark or "metal".

I'm an avid metal fan, and constantly write my own metal orientated music which I put a lot of effort into to make it sound not good, but outstanding, amazing and original. And when I see people going around brandishing "metal" and stuff like that with this kind of lyric, I get annoyed because it's basically talking out of ignorance.

Also, you are musically ignorant, you don't know anything about music(the amount or genre of music you listen to is irrelevant, because you aren't a musician, and ill only explain this in a pm because its huge).

__________________
Let's drown all our sorrows and we'll be gone till tomorrow...

Dies Irae, Dies Ilia, Solvet Saeclum In Favilla...

Yes, must still shut up.

kingajcice

Oh, I see how it is, you completely misunderstood me, I didn't say I knew much about music, I obviously know very little, what I meant was about me myself. I'm glad you took something I said and critiqued me, thank you, but really, I don't think I have some great knowledge of music. Then again I'm 16, so if I chose to I'm pretty sure I could learn, it's not(most likely) like I don't have some time.

That said, chill out, I'm not trying to argue with you, but thank you for the critique.

__________________
"Life's a box of crackers,"
"How?"
"I don't know,"

thamior

Guys, watch it. There's no need for posts and posts of arguments.

@Kinga - Eternal Death is an interesting concept (though the word death sort of implies eternal), take my suggestions from the other lyric and apply it here.

__________________

Dark and Shattered Lands

T.W. North

Mmm, kingajcice, I advise next time you don't try to argue with Mystery whether or not he's right, he won't give in, so there's no point. If you don't like what he says ignore him, but he can say some really good things as well, so yeah.

This song is pretty bad though, as Mystery has said, it seems very much like you think you have to talk about death and pain and in fact mention death and pain in your lyrics in order to be hard. YOU DON'T. Some bands do, yes, but then, generally the lyrics aren't really what makes them good (and sometimes they're not good anyway). If you want to right lyrics make sure of some things first:

a) you actually have something to say other than 'death'
b) don't just say the same thing constantly throughout the song, use imagery.
c) your chorus actually had the potential to be catchy if it wasn't so redundant.