First off grow up, nothing pisses me off when people write lyrics and don't at least put in an effort to write the language correctly, secondly, I don't know about the humans where you live, but no one here is blind, ditch unnecessary emphasis.
Moving on,
Quote:
Someone once loved
Now I am something to make fun of
Cant live this life
No one notices that im here
so why try to get attention
Why?
No one cares!
Not even you do
Nothing to live for
Cant seem to get away from the pain inside.
Please take it away.
She is what I lived for .
Now that she has left
I am nothing,sitting in the corner of this dark and lonely world, bleeding.
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The first thing you need to learn about lyrics is that they fit to music, and music fits to bars, and the beauty is that you can see the pattern of music on a score the same way you can see the lyric pattern on a piece of paper, write this down and then turn your paper 90 degrees to the left, do you notice a pattern emerging from your sentences waving up an down? That means its hard to put to music, not just hard, impossible. You don't have the kind of experience to do it, always try to keep your sentences roughly the same size, when you write a lot you will slowly gain the experience for deviation from the norm.
[quote]Please come back
Give me a chance.
please
I need you
You take the pain away
You take my breath away
You make feel like some one
When I am no one[quote]'
It's too cliche, it's like you took every pop song from the 90's that you've heard and just regurgitated it onto a piece of paper. Lyricism starts with originality.
