Just one more - Writers Forum

kaytea111 · 11-04-2007, 05:42 PM

Just one more hug and I will be alright,
Just one more person that cares,
Just one more love and I will be whole,
Just one more person there,

Just one more raindrop to fall,
Just one thing to break my heart,
Just one more storm to roll in,
Just one person isn't there,

Oh, life can lead you on,
Oh, life can bring you on,

(Chorus)
For now I'm just gonna live the way I am,
If its gonna get bad I will push on,
But one more thing to say,
Just one more thing on my mind,
Why don't you stay??

Just one more kick and I will be down,
Just one more force of anger and pain,
Just one my helping hand and I will be up,
Just one more person without shame,

Oh, life can lead you on,
Oh, life can bring you on,

(Chorus)
For now I'm just gonna live the way I am,
If its gonna get bad I will push on,
But one more thing to say,
Just one more thing on my mind,
Why don't you stay??

I'm crawlin on my knees,
I down on dirt, oh, begging you please,
but if you dont, oh if you dont,
I will live on,

(Chorus)
For now I'm just gonna live the way I am,
If its gonna get bad I will push on,
With all my force, I will move on,
But one more thing to say,
Just one more thing on my mind,
Why don't you stay??

Luther · 11-06-2007, 04:50 PM

Beautifully written

Olly Buckle · 11-06-2007, 06:06 PM

I have a thing about the word just, try reading it through in your head and leaving out the word just, it still works for me.
I particularly liked one more storm to roll in.
"One my helping hand and"
Assume the "my" was an error, "hand and" feels uncomfortable, suggestion, leave out the "and" and put "again" on the end of the line to keep the scansion, trouble is it makes a rhyme with pain when there are none elsewhere. I like you Kayte, you have good, simple thoughts.