Crypsis. - Writers Forum

menace64 · 11-03-2007, 01:35 PM

You know how sometimes you feel compelled to write? You feel that sense of flowing words inside, but it just won't come forth and manifest itself?

This happens to me fairly regularly. I'll feel something indescribable churning inside the pit of my being, and I recognize it instantly as words trying to escape. Sometimes I decipher them and sometimes I don't.

Sometimes it takes me six hours to make them appear, as it did tonight. I sacrificed sleep I desperately wanted and, literally, sat around with Word open until it happened. Once it manifested it was written in less than two minutes; it was just waiting for me.

And here it is. My favorite piece of poetry of my entire life, and I'd gladly exchange a month of sleep for another just like it.

Crypsis

I do believe, you can’t deceive
Anything from either of me.
Secret wills and secret lies
I know you better, there’s no disguise.

I’m begging, Crypsis, be known inside my heart.
I know that you’re hiding, hiding painful parts.
But I love you freely, Crypsis, I love you I do
And no past misfortune will be keeping me from you.

You turn away, I can never stay
In the moments of your day.
You mean so much to this daring guy
Who knows you better, sees through your disguise.

I’m begging, Crypsis, be known inside my heart.
I know that you’re hiding, hiding painful parts.
But I love you freely, Crypsis, I love you I do
And no past misfortune will be keeping me from you.

There’s a bright eye awakening from deep within my soul.
There’s a bright hope stretching from here to pole to pole.
There’s this tremendous meltdown of every care I used to hold,
And deep within me, you’re all I want to know.

I’m begging, Crypsis, be known inside my heart.
I know that you’re hiding, hiding painful parts.
But I love you freely, Crypsis, I love you I do
And no past misfortune will be keeping me from you.

I’m begging, Crypsis, be known inside my heart.
I know that you’re hiding, hiding painful parts.
But I love you freely, Crypsis, I love you I do
And no past misfortune will be keeping me from you.

Revenge · 11-03-2007, 05:10 PM

And no past misfortune will be keeping me from you.

I would take the 'be' out, and make it keep. It'll flow better.

Really impressive work, great flow, beautiful wording. It just drew me in.

Side note: The feeling you get after writing something likes this is amazing.

Mystery · 11-05-2007, 03:10 AM

I can see something that maybe you were trying to do, or aren't experienced enough to see, but it's just not coming out because you either can't or don't want to write it that way, but as I'm reading it I an hear it and what I read lacks so much to what I hear.