Welcome to Writing Forums, one of the fastest growing writing communties on the web.
You are currently viewing our boards as a guest which gives you limited access to view most discussions, articles and photo galleries. By joining our free community you will
be able to talk with other writers, get feedback on your work to improve your writing skills, discuss ideas, share tips & tricks, network and make friends!
Registration is fast, simple and absolutely free so please, join our community today!
If you have any problems with the registration process or your account login, please contact support.
| Lyrics Original Song Lyrics. |
10-27-2007, 03:00 PM
|
#1
|
|
Prolific Writer
Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: In a cardboard box!
Gender: Female
Posts: 270
|
I'm about you get over you
I used to think about you a million times galore,
Never more will I wait for you at your door,
This is something that I have to do,
I'm about to get over you,
I will meet people I never thought I would meet,
And it will be an experiance I wish you would see,
But since you are gone I mine as well go too,
I'm about to get over you,
The way you said my name,
Inside you and I knew it was right,
Just another girl I am,
Not another one of your little lovers I thought,
But man was I ever wrong,
This is the part where I will bade you farewell,
Will I ever miss you? Only time will tell,
You showed me something fresh and new,
I'm about to get over you,
Love has taken such a big and painful toll,
You are nothing now, just a hollow hole,
I am forever done and through,
I'm about to get over you,
The way you said my name,
Inside you and I knew it was right,
Just another girl I am,
Not another one of your little lovers I thought,
But man was I ever wrong,
I'm gonna run, run, run, run away from this mess,
I'm gonna get the hell oughta your spell,
I'm gonna run, run, run away from this mess,
I'm gonna get the hell oughta your spell,
Run, run, run
The way you said my name,
The way you held me tight,
Inside you and I knew it was right,
Just another girl I am,
But I thought I was different
Not another one of your little lovers I thought,
But man was I ever wrong,
I'm about to get over you... |
|
|
|
10-28-2007, 12:36 AM
|
#2
|
|
Best Seller
Join Date: Jan 2007
Gender: Male
Posts: 556
|
First verse - great
Second verse - sub-par compared to first, but still decent
Chorus - crap. I'm blunt, I admit, but it is. Re-write it to be a little more catchy and not as bland. The rest of the song IS somewhat cliche but it works. Not this.
Third verse - almost as a good as the first
Fourth verse - the worst of all the verses
Bridge - ...just no. Re-write please.
|
|
|
|
|
11-03-2007, 05:27 PM
|
#3
|
|
Mentor
Join Date: May 2007
Location: E. Sussex U.K.
Gender: Male
Posts: 1,497
|
Line 7 "I might as well go too"?
Second verse Bade is past, I will bid
I like the idea I am ABOUT to get over you
A while since I read you, getting better all the time.
|
|
|
|
|
11-05-2007, 03:03 AM
|
#4
|
|
Ink Slinger
Join Date: Jul 2004
Location: Carribean
Gender: Male
Posts: 2,436
|
Theres nothing wrong with your rhyming, no problem with context at all, it's all compact and tight, but your content sucks.
__________________
Let's drown all our sorrows and we'll be gone till tomorrow...
Dies Irae, Dies Ilia, Solvet Saeclum In Favilla...
Yes, must still shut up.
|
|
|
|
|
Currently Active Users Viewing This Thread: 1 (0 members and 1 guests)
|
|
|
Posting Rules
|
You may not post new threads
You may not post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts
HTML code is Off
|
|
|
All times are GMT -5. The time now is 10:16 PM. Powered by vBulletin, Copyright ©2000-2007, Jelsoft Enterprises Ltd.
LinkBacks Enabled by vBSEO 3.1.0
|
|
Newsletter |
 |
|
Subscribe to Majestic
the official newsletter of Writing Forums and lit.org
|
|
Link to Us: 
|
|
