donteatpoop

I don’t know what it’s like to be happy
Or what it’s like to be glad
And I’ve been sad for so long baby, but it
Really ain’t that bad: yeah-yeah

I’m never disappointed
When things don’t work out for me
And you can’t crush my dreams, darlin’, cause I
Haven’t got any dreams

(Brief musical interlude)

And I’ll just keep on smilin’
Don’t hear complaints from me
I’ve been down for so long, mama, but you
Gotta take it from me.

(Musical interlude)

I don’t know what it’s like to be happy
Or what it’s like to be glad
And I’ve been sad for so long baby, but it
Really ain’t that bad: yeah-yeah

I’m never disappointed
When things don’t work out for me
And you can’t crush my dreams, darlin’, cause I
Haven’t got any dreams

-END-

(just an accoustic guitar for the music)

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The organ is grinding but the monkey won't dance.

Mystery

Do you listen to any non-rock blues >.>?

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Imagine what you could do if you didn't require sleep... Now calculate all the hours you've lost so far with sleep, Insomnia ain't seeming so bad now is it?

donteatpoop

Oh yeah. BB King, Buddy Guy, Wolfman Jack, Screamin' Jay Hawkins, Taj Mahal, John Lee Hooker, Muddy Watters... If you're interested, check out a finetune radio station I made; it has a mix of blues, live rock, and jam bands: Is it cool if we jam?

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The organ is grinding but the monkey won't dance.

kaytea111

I don’t know what it’s like to be happy
Or what it’s like to be glad
Maybe put Or how to be glad instead because then it looks less repetitive and more intersting
And I’ve been sad for so long baby, but it
Really ain’t that bad: yeah-yeah

I’m never disappointed
When things don’t work out for me
And you can’t crush my dreams, darlin’, cause I
Haven’t got any dreams that that out because again, repetitive and any sounds alot better than dreams

(Brief musical interlude)

And I’ll just keep on smilin’
Don’t hear complaints from me
I’ve been down for so long, mama, but you
Gotta take it from me. maybe put away instead, again repetition

(Musical interlude)

I don’t know what it’s like to be happy
Or what it’s like to be glad
And I’ve been sad for so long baby, but it
Really ain’t that bad: yeah-yeah

I’m never disappointed
When things don’t work out for me
And you can’t crush my dreams, darlin’, cause I
Haven’t got any dreams

Other than that, its really good and so relatable. good job!!

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http://www.freewebs.com/katelyrics/index.htm

donteatpoop

The problem with critiquing lyrics, is you'd have to hear the beat to effectively offer suggestions. I appreciate your opinion on this, but I was just sharing.

The "Gotta take it from me" line specifically would take on a whole new meaning if I said "away" in place of "from me" as I'm saying "take it from me", as in "take it from me, poop is not something you should eat" as opposed to "take it from me, I don't want it".

The existing lyrics fit the beat. Thanks, though.

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The organ is grinding but the monkey won't dance.

Mystery

Well, this isn't really blues. Blues lyrics is written to the same style as blues music, it's made to fit the music, and there's a very specific speech and rhythm to a blues lyrics that gives off that feel. IF you play an instrument it's easier to understand, because the same way you don't get any blues feel without timing and rhythm, you don't get any blues feel from lyrics without that same timing and rhythm.

You took some blues form and some blues slang, but it's just not there yet.

__________________
Imagine what you could do if you didn't require sleep... Now calculate all the hours you've lost so far with sleep, Insomnia ain't seeming so bad now is it?

donteatpoop

Without hearing the music that accompanies this, how can you assume that it doesn't fit the rythem of the guitar? I'm sorry, I'm not trying to be an ass, I just don't understand how you can assume that it doesn't fit the music when you haven't heard the music.

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The organ is grinding but the monkey won't dance.

Mystery

Because I'm a musician, I've played every blues pattern, I know the theory, I know the playing, I can guess several hundreds of combinations you could put this on, but none of it works out with good blues feel in my head.

__________________
Imagine what you could do if you didn't require sleep... Now calculate all the hours you've lost so far with sleep, Insomnia ain't seeming so bad now is it?

donteatpoop

It has a folky blues sound to it. I'm not a trained musician or anything, so I can't pinpoint which combination it might be. But it sounds bluesy vocally and it sort of contrasts the accoustic guitar which has an almost happy sound to it. It's meant to be a contradiction of voice and guitar, but again; I'm not trained so I'm not sure how to really explain it.

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The organ is grinding but the monkey won't dance.