~*Occulence*~

IDK, I decided to post some lyrics that I was writing; (italics is rapping, other is singing)

I’m two-faced, jaded, half of me is shaded,
Trying to stay true, but the truth is overrated,
I’m Loved and Hated,
Luminous and faded,
Crossed over the line, cuz’ I was baited,

Chaos rolls like thunder in the plains,
Runs away, but he runs in vain,
The black light guides him into the night,
The line is blurred, what’s wrong and right.

Split like a cadaver down the middle,
Trying to open up, let them in just a little,
But I close back fast, shy from the light,
Close my eyes, kneel and pray in fright,

It overtakes me, black water sinks my ship,
And I realize that I can’t escape this shit,
Sinking slowly, I drown in self-hate,
But the light appears again, like bait.

Chaos rolls like thunder in the plains,
Runs away, but he runs in vain,
The black light guides him into the night,
The line is blurred, what’s wrong and right.

I’m two-faced, jaded, half of me is shaded,
Trying to stay true, but the truth is overrated,
I’m Loved and Hated,
Luminous and faded,
Crossed over the line, cuz’ I was baited,

But I came back knowing, what was on the other side,
My fear was growing, but I let it out, damaging my pride,
I felt empty after release,
Then coughed and fell, to my knees.

Chaos rolls like thunder in the plains,
Runs away, but he runs in vain,
The black light guides him into the night,
But he holds back, and begins to fight,
It releases him, and he goes back to light.

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Edgewise

Pardon me, but I looked at your profile...16, yes? Not bad for a kid your age.

Runs away, but he runs in vain (this is a syllable short, otherwise you'd have a pretty good rhythm going).

I felt empty after release,
Then coughed and fell, to my knees (this feels clunky).

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What would your good be doing if there were no evil, and what would the earth look like if shadows disappeared from it?
- Woland (Satan) in Bulgakov's "Master and Margarita"

~*Occulence*~

Hey thanks fir the compliment! Yeah, I know I messed up at some of the parts, especially near the end. I'm probably gonna post up some more of the stuff that i've done.

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kaytea111

pretty good

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http://www.freewebs.com/katelyrics/index.htm

T.W. North

Pretty much the same comment as your other song, except I'm going to rebut what Edgewise said about the syllable-short line, because it's sung and thus despite the lack of a syllable the rhythm can still go on.

And yes, I'll agree with him about that chunky rap-line, the way it flowed for me reminded me of Mike Shinoda.

~*Occulence*~

yeah, i'm going to change that line sometime, lol.

but i guess if i was going to remind someone of anyone, it'd be nice if it were shinoda.

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~*Occulence*~

read it rap haters...

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