Elipsis

This is about a conversation I had with my girlfriend. I think you'll get the idea of a lot of it. By the way, Habanada Day is what me and her call our alternate valentine's day. It's kind of a bouncy acoustic type of song. Tell me what you think

We’re talking about the future
While laughing about the then
The way we live and talk and love
My heart feels like its been spent

We’re shaking off the uneasy
Raising fists at this and that
Your eyes are bright and teasing
And you bite your lips to flat

My advice, live in the moment
And cry away the past
I can’t believe I found you
And thank god it seems to last
I left to get some coffee
Walked in the sun’s rays
I found myself and angel
And yelled “Happy Habanada Day!”

We’re walking toward the future
Trying to escape the plain
The smiles of people we once knew
Will be the smiles keeping us sane

Shrug off your uneasy
Laugh off your regret
Take a sip of alcohol
And smoke a cigarette
(Shake it off)

Shake it off (repeated)

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Edgewise

As much as I hate the teenage love genre of lyrics which seem so popular here, in this, Elipsis, you managed to get a good rhythm going at least. That last stanza would make a pretty good foundation for a rock song.

"Walked in the hot sun’s rays"- this line seems akward. Try reworking it.

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The Heart of Art and Sole

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Elipsis

I know, but i honestly couldn't think of much else that would work without being so repetitive.

Its not so much as a teenage love song, as it is my outlook on life as opposed to my girlfriend's. She always worries about the future, while I always 'live in the moment'.
The story goes so much deeper than what the song tells, but i really don't think you want to hear about that.

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.zyriax

Interesting read... I suggest throwing in "shake it off" a few times at the beginning of the song.

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Edgewise

Just delete "hot", I think, and it will work alright.

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The Heart of Art and Sole

Cat Scan Variations