Song - Changes - Writers Forum

thamior · 06-17-2007, 07:32 PM

little rough around the edges.

All this world is ever changing

like the wind that blows o’er the sea.

Suspended on this cliff I’m hanging

the world around is changing-leaving me.

But it’s not with sadness I stand here

although I often feel so alone.

Writing my name to watch it disappear

and fade from all who cared to have me known.

Chorus:

Shadow wraps around my soul

and a voice begs bitterness consume my mind.

In the loneliness I’m tempted whole

but I’ll win this fight inside.

If in my moods I’d given up all hope

if I abandoned all the things I had known.

If I’d let go of this tightly tethered rope

then I would have lost the chance for me to grow.

It was pain to watch all the love of the world go by

sitting in my darkened thoughts never breathing.

Wondering what I was meant to do with life,

and could I continue on this end unseeing?

*chorus*

Bridge:

Life is far too short to be wasted

but I saw ev’ry grain filter through the glass.

Ev’ry chance falling further separated

myself contained within my past.

Every step I take

is another second gone.

Every choice I make

is all that keeps me going on.

I want the world

but never seek my best.

Before life gets too old

I hope to learn to not forget.

*chorus*

kaytea111 · 06-18-2007, 07:11 AM

Wow, I really like this song. Lotsa meaning.

thamior · 06-18-2007, 03:14 PM

missed a line

Tom · 06-18-2007, 03:24 PM

Man, I love this song. All meaning, I even thought up a tune for it my head.

Nice one

Tom.

thamior · 06-18-2007, 03:27 PM

Thanks, hopefully I'll get out another soon. Work is making me so tired

Vasque · 06-20-2007, 08:45 AM

Another good one, sir. Well done. A nit for you:

But it’s not with sadness I stand here

ON THIS WINDY SHORE ALL alone.

Writing my name to watch it disappear

and fade from all who cared to have me known.

Chorus:

Shadow wraps around my soul

and a voice begGING bitterness consumeS my mind. ??? NOT SURE I GET THIS LINE

In the loneliness I’m tempted whole

but I’ll win this fight inside.

thamior · 06-20-2007, 06:25 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Vasque

Another good one, sir. Well done. A nit for you:

But it’s not with sadness I stand here

ON THIS WINDY SHORE ALL alone.

Writing my name to watch it disappear

and fade from all who cared to have me known.

Chorus:

Shadow wraps around my soul

and a voice begGING bitterness consumeS my mind. ??? NOT SURE I GET THIS LINE

In the loneliness I’m tempted whole

but I’ll win this fight inside.

Thanks, will look at it when I'm not depressed. That goes for crits of other people's work too.

Yustynn · 06-21-2007, 12:04 AM

Wow, nice song

surfacetoday · 06-23-2007, 06:47 PM

hey, just a few critiques: it may be personal preference, but I feel as though i have heard the big metaphors involving the expansive sea, and "the world going by" so much that they cease to paint any sort of picture. i think it would be nicer if the struggle that you're feeling within was brought closer to home - closer to the job you say makes you feel tired and depressed; closer to the people who help create those fucked up feelings you have inside that seem like a giant, twisted mess. again, it's probably just preference, but i feel like songs are be far more resonant if they relate to your own life and experience, and it doesnt matter if people sometimes don't get it - because those who listen and read closely will.

thamior · 06-23-2007, 07:16 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by surfacetoday

hey, just a few critiques: it may be personal preference, but I feel as though i have heard the big metaphors involving the expansive sea, and "the world going by" so much that they cease to paint any sort of picture. i think it would be nicer if the struggle that you're feeling within was brought closer to home - closer to the job you say makes you feel tired and depressed; closer to the people who help create those fucked up feelings you have inside that seem like a giant, twisted mess. again, it's probably just preference, but i feel like songs are be far more resonant if they relate to your own life and experience, and it doesnt matter if people sometimes don't get it - because those who listen and read closely will.

It's a thought. Any examples? To know I'm on the same page with you?

I used the images I used because they made me think of the things I wanted to convey.

oxley123 · 07-10-2007, 07:12 AM

hey dude not been on for what seems like a year and probably nearly is have just entered a relationship in the last 3 months and i have some new stuff coming from all those emotions and i am hoping you will crit for me as i am a very big fan of your stuff!!

love this song the meaning shone threw from the first line!!

!oxoi

thamior · 07-10-2007, 05:13 PM

Will do, and thanks.

thamior · 07-10-2007, 05:26 PM

double post

T.W. North · 07-17-2007, 03:38 AM

Finally, I see your return to form. Well done mate. I don't have much to critique, I'm not that fussy. xD