kaytea111

Ok, so I rewrote parts of the song. And kudos go to Je33ie for giving me a few ideas...

A guy who was only fifteen,
Made a choice that will forever change his life,
He decided that he would get high,
With his friends just trying to be cool,
Never did, Never knew

(Chorus)
Lit up that joint,
Took the first puff in his life,
Lit up that joint,
Thought it was, oh so very nice,
Passed it to the left,
Gave it too a friend,
But in the end,
All he did was,
Lit up a joint

A girl who was only fourteen,
Made a decision she may regret,
She decided get easy,
Just wanting to be loved,
Never did, Never knew

(Chorus)
Wore trashy clothes,
Didn't mind for the first time in her life,
Wore trashy clothes,
Thought it was, oh so very nice,
Had a little fun,
It was overdone,
But in the end,
All she did was,
Wear trashy clothes

Well,
They both ended up losing there friend,
Because they coudn't keep up in the end,
No,no, they coudnt,
Why would they?

He got a little high,
She got a little loose,
Realized not to abuse,
They arn't the ones in the blues,

(Chorus)
Tried new things,
Did it for the first time in there life,
Tried new things,
Thought it was, oh so very nice,
I don't know why,
They gave it a try,
But in the end,
All they did was,
Try something new

Jericho's Downfall

this songs really reminds me of youth of a nation

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Wars of Jericho
The Spiraling: Power Wars
FullScale
Hardwood Floors

Spazola

I read your first version, too, but this still confuses me. "All they did was try something new" makes it sound like they didn't do anything wrong, that's it's okay to try these things...but "made a choice that will forever change his life" and "made a decision she may regret" make it sound like they made big mistakes.

I'm not trying to be negative, but I'm just having trouble understanding the message you're trying to send here.

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And she screamed,
"Claudio! Dear Claudio!
I wish, god dammit,
we'll make it if you believe..."

kaytea111

that there is bad and good... but they realize there is more bad in it.

Vasque

i like the subject matter, I have written similar stories. Very relatable.

A guy who was only fifteen,
Made a choice that will forever change his life,
He decided (that) he would get high, ('that' is unnecessary)
With his friends just trying to be cool,
Never did, Never knew (never did...what? don't get this line)

(Chorus)
Lit up that joint,
Took the first puff in his life,
Lit up that joint,
Thought it was, oh so very nice,
Passed it to the left,
Gave it too a friend,
But in the end,
All he did was,
Lit up a joint (suggest: "burnt up his life")

A girl who was only fourteen,
Made a decision she may regret,
She decided get easy, ('get easy' ?? I don't understand that line)
Just wanting to be loved,
Never did, Never knew

(Chorus)
Wore trashy clothes,
Didn't mind for the first time in her life,
Wore trashy clothes,
Thought it was, oh so very nice,
Had a little fun,
It was overdone,
But in the end,
All she did was,
Wear trashy clothes

Well,
They both ended up losing there friend,
Because they coudn't keep up in the end,
No,no, they coudnt,
Why would they?

He got a little high,
She got a little loose,
Realized not to abuse, (??? huh?....suggest: 'decided'??)
They arn't the ones in the blues,

(Chorus)
Tried new things,
Did it for the first time in there life,
Tried new things,
Thought it was, oh so very nice,
I don't know why,
They gave it a try,
But in the end,
All they did was,
Try something new

The ending....does this mean they got smart and stayed away from the stuff? could be made more obvious. It's a good song. very close to being polished. nice write.

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~Vasque~

je33ie

Yes Kaytea!! Love it... glad I could help!

A few places you've used 'there' (as in 'over there') when you should have used 'their' (as in possessive). But other than that, a great little song.

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Close Shave
Tears on the kitchen floor
Three minutes
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Xion Night

Vasque: Being easy means like, "She's easy, man," as in like, easy to get into, if you get my drift. Not so sexually uptight.

I agree that it is a bit hard to tell exactly what message you're trying to get across. I still can't tell if you're condoning or condemning the trying of something new, or if you're saying they thought they were, but really it wasn't anything special, which I think is implied by the "All they did was" lines. I guess it just seems like there's no complete feeling running through this thing. It's all sort of maybe-ish, y' know? Sorta fuzzy.


Edit: Okay, actually, I just read the first version, and I must say I liked it better. It was alot more clear and concise in its meaning.

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