elfishmoonfeather

Bitter sweet is the night
Think, its hard to fly
Smoke catches in the moonlight
Know I can feel your heartbeat slow
Is it time for me to go?

I look ahead
And Still see nothing wrong
Its too late now
I’ve lost all momentum

It hard to catch up
When still your messed up
To the core

Chorus:
Can it be?
Is it so?
I’ve lost it yet again
Is it right?
Am I gone?
Though I feel
I’m still here
somehow

Chorus

Somehow
somehow

It’s been so long
Can I still remember?
Telling you, though it was a lie

All I said, was it real?
Or another of my lines

Its hard to say
I’ve lost my way
I fell, and now I’m gone

I had a dream, I woke up
Lost in reality

It’s dark and crowded
With all the memories

Chorus x2

Somehow…..


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Hey this is my first try at lyrics
so go easy on me =)

Emerson Darkness

Perhaps this could help the flow here, if a little. The choice of words did seem to work, but I thought this might help.

"Bitter sweet is the night,
think, its hard to fly.
Smoke catches moonlight.

Know, I feel your heartbeat slow,
is it Time I go?"

at this part I would drop a few words and add a few commas.

"I look ahead,
see nothing wrong.
Its too late now,
I've lost momentum"

These are just minor changes that I suggest, but this was a very good first try at lyrics. I hope you'll post more.

elfishmoonfeather

thanks!

WrittenEscape

I never would have guessed that was your first go at lyrics if you hadn't told me. I love the first verse, especially.
I agree with Emerson Darkness, though, the flow could be improved a little bit- but maybe just by losing a few syllables in the third line/first verse and fourth line/second verse. Although I'm new at writing lyrics, too, so.... D Great song.

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Treat small victories like big accomplishments, because they`re the majority of what you`re ever going to get in life.

thamior

I'd stick with Emerson's suggestions. I think it was beautifully written. There are all kinds of techniques for presenting flow. Simply look at some lyrics from members with a few posts under their belts.

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Dark and Shattered Lands

elfishmoonfeather

I'll work on my flow. Thanks for the nice comments!