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Lyrics Original Song Lyrics.

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Old 09-15-2006, 10:38 PM   #1
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Song - Limping on Life's Crutch

hey, another lyric , once again just remember, if you want a crit, just PM, I have so many things going on that its hard to sort through everything.

I stand alone in my world of ruin,
torn apart by our human fear.
And looking on what I have been,
I wonder why it is I am here.

I've felt tears run down my cheeks,
as hope slips into surrounding night.
With no flower rushes at my feet,
you wonder if you'll see dawn's clear light.

Chorus:
And I've burned all the thoughts on my mind,
trashed the only heart I have inside.
But destiny lends me hope anew,
in God I think I've found whats true.

Like a rose petal falling down,
carried on the wind in suspense.
I was slowly losing ground,
wondering where my time had went.

Dew drops rolled on the blades of grass,
and I yearned to feel their coolness touch.
Haunted by the wounds in my past,
limping along on life's sorry crutch.

*chorus*

I've seen a crow in black waiting,
nothing but a shadow passing by.
A void to fill-with death he's playing,
I heard the chilling shrill of his cry.

I walk this road but not alone,
my feet pound the dirt that will always be.
Praising tmy life thats been reshone,
I ask God to take this life and guide me.

*Chorus*

One day all things will fade away,
the rose will be taken back.
When nothingness pervades the day,
all those whom He knows will fulfill His pact.

*chorus* x2
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Old 09-26-2006, 12:03 AM   #2
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V1L4 reads awkwardly - constrast with the first three lines.
V2L4 breaks the rhythm for me.
CL2 is the "inside" necessary on the end?
V3L4 ewww "went" for a really forced rhyme.
V4L2 "cool touch" instead of "coolness touch"
V6L3 reshone is ugly
V6L3/L4 repeated life, not nice. Drop the "take this life and" from L4?
Last verse - is it really necessary?

Nit picks mostly.
Good one.
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