Forgetting The Seatbelts - Writers Forum

demon_ · 08-12-2006, 07:21 PM

[verse 1]
Sit tight with one smile
I now it seems great
But I’m afraid I never thought
This right out. We can’t stay.
I’ll make a fatal mistake
And the guilt will be for me to take.

[chorus]
We’re too high for this
The safety is here, on the ground
If we continue this...

I know we’ve grown so attached
But if we continue this ride…
This is not our plane to land
This is not our plane to land
But crash.

[verse 2]
I’m sorry.
Please keep the smile
This will end in a disaster.
I’m afraid it’ll never work,
So we’re taking the emergency exit,
Before this can get worse.

[bridge]
I thought it could work.
I swear… I swear.
But the route isn’t safe.
I’m too worried not too care.
There’s just no other way.
… it’s too dangerous to bear.

Now, I'll admit, this was one of my worse lyrics ever done. I did it for the sake of being the same; my acoustic gitty player wants lyrics done like this. I atleast attempted metaphors, so it's not all that bad. It's about me breaking up with a relationship that didn't work.

mandax · 08-13-2006, 01:07 PM

[verse 1]
Sit tight with one smile [I thought "one" was weird here.]
I now it seems great
But I’m afraid I never thought
This right out. We can’t stay. [Should be "This out".]
I’ll make a fatal mistake
And the guilt will be for me to take.

[chorus]
We’re too high for this
The safety is here, on the ground [Good lines.]
If we continue this...

I know we’ve grown so attached
But if we continue this ride…
This is not our plane to land
This is not our plane to land
But crash. [Nice.]

[verse 2]
I’m sorry.
Please keep the smile
This will end in a disaster.
I’m afraid it’ll never work,
So we’re taking the emergency exit,
Before this can get worse. [Almost forcing the analogy, but still works.]

[bridge]
I thought it could work.
I swear… I swear.
But the route isn’t safe. [Now THIS is forcing the analogy.]
I’m too worried not too care.
There’s just no other way.
… it’s too dangerous to bear.

masterwriter · 08-13-2006, 01:56 PM

I like the overall theme and thought process. Normally I would expect to see the title in the lyric. Depending on what type of audience your aiming for that may or may not be a problem. May just be me, but I don't really feel like this lyric offers a resolution, just kinda left me hanging in midair so to speak. Might want to take another look and see perhaps if there's a way to give the listener some sort of payoff.

--MW--

Quote:

Originally Posted by demon_

[verse 1]
Sit tight with one smile
I now it seems great [I now? Is this a typo?]
But I’m afraid I never thought
This right out. We can’t stay.
I’ll make a fatal mistake
And the guilt will be for me to take.

[chorus]
We’re too high for this
The safety is here, on the ground
If we continue this...

I know we’ve grown so attached
But if we continue this ride…
This is not our plane to land
This is not our plane to land
But crash.

[verse 2]
I’m sorry.
Please keep the smile
This will end in a disaster.
I’m afraid it’ll never work,
So we’re taking the emergency exit,
Before this can get worse.

[bridge]
I thought it could work.
I swear… I swear.
But the route isn’t safe.
I’m too worried not too care.
There’s just no other way.
… it’s too dangerous to bear.

Now, I'll admit, this was one of my worse lyrics ever done. I did it for the sake of being the same; my acoustic gitty player wants lyrics done like this. I atleast attempted metaphors, so it's not all that bad. It's about me breaking up with a relationship that didn't work.

demon_ · 08-13-2006, 08:21 PM

My audience: my guitar player.
Do I like this piece? No way.
Am I proud? No way, just att the fact where I tried to make things not-so cliche.

I'm actually quite suprised people posted their thoughts. I thought it'd be a dying bread.

Quote:

Originally Posted by masterwriter

Normally I would expect to see the title in the lyric.

Eeeewwwww.w.w.w.w.....wwww........wwww...*break*.. ....eeeeewwwww[until fade]

And the whole payload thing you said, I agree. But it was meant to be simple. I'll change the bridge around, fersho. But not on WF, just for my gitty player to write the parts to it.