thamior

She was given everything to own,
licing with the loooks and brains we dream.
A world of wonder in which she shone,
with all of life's happiness to be seen.

So why did she avoid the mirror,
afraid of the truth on the otherside.
when everything in her life seemed so sure,
yet something was gnawing from behind.

Chorus:
Why do they continue to get,
when in they end they dont accept.
Why is the best for the fools of the earth,
given to those who we deserve.

Crying now because she's all alone,
surrounded by people and no one at once.
There was a time when she could have grown,
but she stopped it all for her dream of a chance.

She was ugly and fat washed-up and old,
thats what her reflection would say.
She couldnt accept the graces of the world,
abd the person they saw faded away.

*Chorus* x2
Sometimes we give up the best that we have,
we dont realize the value of its worth.
Sometimes we simply dont understand,
and we lose what we have but dont deserve.

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Dark and Shattered Lands

martysings

very moving. i like the mood. i'd like to critique it, but i'm afraid my suggestion would ruin the vibe.

it seems like "thats what her reflection would say." is a little underpowered. like the reflection would be screaming that in her face rather than saying it, but like i said, that might throw the feel. meh, i'm tired.

good job, good night,
marty

__________________
"All the glory when he took our place, but he took my shouldes and he shook my face, and he takes and he takes and he takes..."
-Sufjan Stevens (Casimir Pulaski Day)

thamior

eh, do and suggest as you like, I personally hate it...

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Dark and Shattered Lands

martysings

ouch; well anyway, that's all i had. one thing i notice with your songs though, is that they all follow pretty much the same format. i think it would be a good excercise to write different length and numbered lines and stanzas, and maybe instead of choruses throw in one or two lines to be repeated.

just a thought for your next song.

__________________
"All the glory when he took our place, but he took my shouldes and he shook my face, and he takes and he takes and he takes..."
-Sufjan Stevens (Casimir Pulaski Day)