DylanFan

Just wrote this with in the hour. Came to me all of the sudden while talkin to my girlfriend and fiddling with the guitar. the commas are where some pauses would be.. its kinda excessive lookin but hell other wise i may forget how to sing it

You see my eyes, they bleed
So much, so deep, I’m drowning
You see the rage in me
So red, so strong, I’m hiding

Cut the knots they’re holdin’ me
Break loose from the chains that I can’t see
Your face so sweet, I know you’re trying
Holding me back, not now, I’m biding my time
Biding my time
Just holding my time
Cuz it’s mine

I can’t stop my head, it leaks
So far, so fast, I’m fading
You still catch me in my dreams
So that I won’t go crazy

Cut the knots they’re holdin’ me
Break loose from the chains I can’t see
Your face so sweet, I know you’re trying
Holding me back, not now, I’m biding my time
Keeping this time
Just holding my time
In my mind

Cut the knots they’re holdin’ me
Break loose from the chains that I can’t see
Your face so sweet, I know you’re trying
Holding me back, not now, I’m biding my time
Biding my time
Just holding my time
Cuz it’s mine
Yeah it’s mine

__________________
In a many dark hour
I've been thinkin' about this
That Jesus Christ
Was betrayed by a kiss
But I can't think for you
You'll have to decide
Whether Judas Iscariot
Had God on his side.
~Bob Dylan~

Sigur Rós

Reviewing songs is great at such a late hour.

It was a good song and had good meaning. It lacked flow on a few lines but that was really it. Great job!

__________________
"What I thought was unreal now, for me, seems in some ways to be more real than what I think to be real, which seems now to be unreal." Fred A. Wolf
-My Quantum Dream of The Roman Swing-
http://www.writingforums.com/fiction...ml#post1070927

DylanFan

thanks alot. Ive got some chords that go well with it too. So its almost a complete song!

__________________
In a many dark hour
I've been thinkin' about this
That Jesus Christ
Was betrayed by a kiss
But I can't think for you
You'll have to decide
Whether Judas Iscariot
Had God on his side.
~Bob Dylan~

Sigur Rós

That is a good feeling. However I loved the first performance. Only because, that was when the band would stop argueing.

__________________
"What I thought was unreal now, for me, seems in some ways to be more real than what I think to be real, which seems now to be unreal." Fred A. Wolf
-My Quantum Dream of The Roman Swing-
http://www.writingforums.com/fiction...ml#post1070927

demon_

I liked it.

My first read from you; I like you now.

Don't change that.

I like.

__________________
Nowhuttumsayen?
click on the spoiler for YOUR health...

DylanFan

heh. thanks

__________________
In a many dark hour
I've been thinkin' about this
That Jesus Christ
Was betrayed by a kiss
But I can't think for you
You'll have to decide
Whether Judas Iscariot
Had God on his side.
~Bob Dylan~

cellardoor

haha it feels pretty dylan-y. could be a little longer.
great job

__________________
If I make it as a writer, I'll write for the hobo, not the professor.

DylanFan

i was thinkin about makin it a little longer but when i play it its comes to like 3 and a half mins and theres an instrumental break inbetween the 2nd and 3rd chorus. horay for a complete song!

__________________
In a many dark hour
I've been thinkin' about this
That Jesus Christ
Was betrayed by a kiss
But I can't think for you
You'll have to decide
Whether Judas Iscariot
Had God on his side.
~Bob Dylan~

DylanFan

too bad i suck at singing

__________________
In a many dark hour
I've been thinkin' about this
That Jesus Christ
Was betrayed by a kiss
But I can't think for you
You'll have to decide
Whether Judas Iscariot
Had God on his side.
~Bob Dylan~

cellardoor

haha i know how you feel

__________________
If I make it as a writer, I'll write for the hobo, not the professor.