Vasque

Our Last Goodbye

Hey, long time no see
This won’t be any fun
Didn’t mean to surprise you
This isn’t intervention

Stopped by one last time
To pay my last respects
I’d wish you good luck
But you need more than that
Any old helping hand
To get your old self back

Chorus:
Said you won’t change (though)
Any chance, I sure would try
I didn’t come to sermon (bro)
I came to say our last goodbye

We had some good times
Before that evil got inside
Didn’t come here to save you
I’m not even going to try

Not staying for the ending
‘Cause I already know it
You tie your own knot
At the end of that short rope

*chorus*

So hold your glass up high
One final time with me
We’ll toast to what was
Not the evil that will be

We’ll toast days passed as
Your tomorrow is sold
We won’t have the chance
To toast as we grow old

*chorus*

So I won’t call around
Won’t write one more letter
Not gonna bail you out
Not ever going to the ER

Won’t be there to ID you
When that call comes through
I’ll be too busy thinking
Of happy memories of you

*chorus*

__________________
~Vasque~

thamior

ended nicely...some good concepts in there....but some of the rhymes were a bit too obvious which hurt it overall.

__________________

Dark and Shattered Lands

mandax

Hey, long time no see
This won’t be any fun
Didn’t mean to surprise you
This isn’t intervention

Stopped by one last time
To pay my last respects
I’d wish you good luck
But you need more than that
Any old helping hand
To get your old self back

Chorus:
Said you won’t change (though)
Any chance, I sure would try
I didn’t come to sermon (bro) [I say get rid of what's in parenthesis. The "bro" made me laugh.]
I came to say our last goodbye

We had some good times
Before that evil got inside
Didn’t come here to save you
I’m not even going to try

Not staying for the ending
‘Cause I already know it
You tie your own knot
At the end of that short rope [This stanza seems rushed. I don't like how the second line ends in "know it". maybe you can say, "'Cause I'm already aware" and change the last line?]

*chorus*

So hold your glass up high
One final time with me
We’ll toast to what was
Not the evil that will be

We’ll toast days passed as
Your tomorrow is sold
We won’t have the chance
To toast as we grow old [I like these two stanzas.]

*chorus*

So I won’t call around
Won’t write one more letter
Not gonna bail you out
Not ever going to the ER [This line seems silly and forced.]

Won’t be there to ID you
When that call comes through
I’ll be too busy thinking
Of happy memories of you

*chorus*[/quote]

Vasque

Good points, Thamior and Mandax. I am making changes per that input. Bro is definitely gone, not looking for a laugh on this one.

__________________
~Vasque~

mandax

Haha, glad I could help. Sorry, I'm kind of weird, so I'm probably the only one who would laugh at that. It just seemed like it didn't belong.

thamior

laugh at the good times, dont let him get you down....

__________________

Dark and Shattered Lands

Vasque

thanks bud, I do and I won't.

__________________
~Vasque~

DylanFan

i like it also. you can get the idea of whats going on quite easily. nice job

__________________
In a many dark hour
I've been thinkin' about this
That Jesus Christ
Was betrayed by a kiss
But I can't think for you
You'll have to decide
Whether Judas Iscariot
Had God on his side.
~Bob Dylan~

demon_

Is it just me, or did I search the title of this song on LimeWire and 125 different artists popped up?

Must be just me.

Not bad lyrics, btw.

__________________
Nowhuttumsayen?
click on the spoiler for YOUR health...

Vasque

Thanks Dylanfan.

Probably Demon, it's a pretty common phrase. I never google before I write. I used the common title on purpose, as the content of the song is a good twist away from the normal usage of that phrase.

__________________
~Vasque~

demon_

Don't worry, it's just a jackass's way to slap someone in the face; but be aware, that titling can be more creative than the main message of the song.

__________________
Nowhuttumsayen?
click on the spoiler for YOUR health...