Tonight - Writers Forum

evadri · 07-20-2006, 02:15 AM

This is beautiful, Bika.

I like the verses better than the chorus. The chorus seems almost a foil to the rest of it. It's so dark and gloomy, whereas the verses seem a little bit lighter. I think it would work without the chorus. In fact, you could make 'and the flames burn on, foot marks in time....etc, etc,...lives' the chorus' and make the present chorus the bridge. (Because the bridge often takes a song somewhere you didn't think it would go, both lyrically and musically.) Perhaps the verses would be softer musically, and then it could take an Evanescene-esque turn at the bridge!

The way you've juxtaposed the elements of it leads me to see the flame as a metaphor for a life.

I think the last verse has a more optimistic tone from the others.

I think it will sing really well.

Elipsis · 07-20-2006, 11:45 AM

awesome, i really liked it but i'm still trying to search for a meaning... ill give you an update if i every figure it out =P

Bika · 07-25-2006, 01:50 AM

Thanks for the comments

... but there's no meaning to it at all, for me. If you find one, it comes from you

Oh... the chorus started out as a different lyric to the verses, but the versses flowed out of the chorus while I was writing it, if that makes sense. So yes, there is that contrast there.

Mystery · 07-25-2006, 02:49 AM

Nostalgic of "no one dares disturb, the sound of silence"

thamior · 07-25-2006, 07:13 AM

I liked it, and I know how that fells Bika, a song that was just kinda done because it came to you. I liked it, thought it all seemed so destructive, and yet hopeful at the same time, odd. In any case, if you have a specific lyric for me to look at, PM me, I'm only looking at a select few (one) from each author, since there are so many. I just can believe that they were all brought to the top this fast, my lyrics from yesterday are almost on the second page.

martysings · 07-25-2006, 09:22 AM

i really like it. what type of music do you have in mind? honestly, i can't see a thing i would change. i only wonder if the chorus after the last verse (the third one you posted, which for me works best as last), would sound better if slightly revised, too glean a different meaning from it, as though the song resolves (assuming you mean it too).

good job

Bika · 07-25-2006, 09:30 AM

Thanks

Like most of my lyrics, I had no specific type of music in mind, nor even a melody. Something ethereal, I think would suit it best, though. Maybe pan pipes and some big drums for the chorus.

martysings · 07-25-2006, 01:19 PM

i think so. big drums. good.
you're blessed that you can write that way. must be nice to not be impeded by a million different melodic ideas. showoff.

Bika · 07-25-2006, 03:58 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by martysings

i think so. big drums. good.
you're blessed that you can write that way. must be nice to not be impeded by a million different melodic ideas. showoff.

I'd really like to be able to put tunes to the different voices arrangements that stalk my lyrics in my head.

Occassionally I'll write a lyric to match a song that I'm listening to (one of my first on here was written to a James Blunt tune (!)), but most not.

thamior · 07-25-2006, 07:08 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Bika

I'd really like to be able to put tunes to the different voices arrangements that stalk my lyrics in my head.

Occassionally I'll write a lyric to match a song that I'm listening to (one of my first on here was written to a James Blunt tune (!)), but most not.

I always have a tune, but lately I just havent had anything, its frustrating. But I figure a tune is important to a lyric.

Bika · 07-25-2006, 07:16 PM

It is important to a lyric. A song is greater than the sum of the lyric and the music, so either one by themselves is less than half the whole, and this is one reason crit'ing lyrics can be difficult.

But a tune is not required to actually write a lyric - at least, not for me.

thamior · 07-25-2006, 07:26 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Bika

It is important to a lyric. A song is greater than the sum of the lyric and the music, so either one by themselves is less than half the whole, and this is one reason crit'ing lyrics can be difficult.

But a tune is not required to actually write a lyric - at least, not for me.

Lately I havent had to have a tune, but the quality has, quite obviously, dropped off, once again my last two went pretty much unnoticed, I still maintain that I dont write like I used to. it hurts.

Bika · 07-25-2006, 07:29 PM

How many threads would you like to state that on?
There are a lot of lyrics here that don't get the attention they deserve.

thamior · 07-25-2006, 07:31 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Bika

How many threads would you like to state that on?
There are a lot of lyrics here that don't get the attention they deserve.

hehe, this is the second one, and counting, I know...there are alot, but I'm just stating an observation, looking at my old stuff and comparing it to the new, I just havent been as inspired lately...