Bika

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Gnomes Amok

Very intriguing concept, it read well and vague though it may be, I enjoyed it. Id have to hear it to make a final judgement, but the writing seems pretty good. I couldnt suggest any changes at the moment, good work Bika

evadri

Wow, I like this. I have no idea what it's exactly about, but I love the sense of determination in 'but I'm done, yeah I'm done'. Just kinda leaving the past behind, making a new life. Good stuff.
The only line that I stumbled on was 'failures I've won'. The two words are just so opposite that they didn't really work for me put together like that. Maybe 'earned' instead of 'won'.

I really like this. Could we possibly hear it?

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'I'd like to think the best of me is still hiding up my sleeve.'

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Bika

No recordings yet, sorry to say. Thanks for the comments
I don' think I'll be changing the won... I used it because they are so opposite

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evadri

' I used it because they are so opposite'

That's what I figured

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'I'd like to think the best of me is still hiding up my sleeve.'

http://www.myspace.com/only_music

Tramontane

I hesitated to read and critique lyrics, because frankly, I can be a real asshole about lyrics and poetry. I always feel like I have to sort through a lot of garbage, usually stilted, where someone is showing off their ability to use a thesaurus and achieve a three-to-one adjective to noun ratio.

So thank you, thank you so much, for avoiding that, and writing something that felt natural and true. If you can code the emotion that is emanating from you into language, instead of hiding it in schmancy language, you'll make a piece that inspired thought and emotion in the reader (listener?).

In my head, the melody that my brain threw down with it (I can't avoid it, I'm sorry), was sort of Evanescence-esque. Which in this case is a compliment. I am fairly neutral toward their music, but I think the vocal melodies are beautiful.

If you do record it, I would love to hear it.

I re-read it to see if there were any awkward phrases or the like, but I just ended up liking it more. There are parts that are a little laborious to read (probably because I am trying to read a duet), but I don't think it matters whether lyrics are easy to read. They have to flow when sung, or listened to, and I do believe yours would.

ebmadman

What's up Bika, this was different but in a good way. The bracket verses really do work well with this.

That's my favorite line. Good work and keep writing.

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"I beg to dream and differ from the hollow lies...."

thamior

when people make these comments I always wonder if they direct them at people, maybe you give some others a chance there are plenty of people that realize the true nature of poetry.

As for the lyric itself, sorry I havent commented much on the new stuff, it seems when I look that now there are a myriad of lyrics to look through and I just cant plow through them all. I enjoyed this Bika, I couldnt form a strong flow or a powerful image in my mind, but it was still good all in all.

EDit: as for the images, I have a headache, because second time through I saw them, much better hjaving the images in my mind ^_^

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Dark and Shattered Lands

Tramontane

I am brand spanking new to posting here, so I have noone to direct comments at, so you can rest easy . If I did, I would probably go to their thread, and be less ambiguous. Although, I suspect I will be disappointed less here, as it is something of a self selecting group. But I have had some bandmates who have produced some uncomfortable lyrics...

I don't claim to appreciate the true nature of poetry, actually, I will openly admit that it is very rare that I appreciate a poem, and that is somethign I blame facets of my own nature, not the poets.

With lyrics, on the other hand, I have merely developed somewhat narrow tastes. And I don't intend to inflict my tastes on anyone. I try to be objective, and if I worry that my tastes are influencing what I am saying (for better or worse), I put a disclaimer that I have personal sentiments that are unrelated to the quality of the piece or talent of the writer.

Small-town_Wright

I liked it. I liked it a lot. Athough, your song didn't flow properly to me. But I probably had the wrong tune.

Thoughtfully yours,
~~STW~~

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thamior

well I just believe the true nature of poetry is to bring out the beauty of the word and express emotion, it is different for everyone, but that tends to be generally accepted.

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Dark and Shattered Lands

Bika

This is a poetry thread?
Thanks for the kind words, and the comparison. Much appreciated

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thamior

well lyrics are supposed to be a form of poetry

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Dark and Shattered Lands