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| Lyrics Original Song Lyrics. |
06-30-2006, 10:55 AM
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#1
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Prolific Writer
Join Date: Jun 2005
Gender: Female
Posts: 214
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Note To Self (two curse words)
Hmmm...I'm not so sure about this one. Either it's pretty good, or really, REALLY bad. =/
Note To Self
Closing my eyes,
wishing for you to fade away.
I don't want to see your face anymore.
Stow away in the darkness,
so I can see your bones decay.
(chorus)
Slit the shell of your skin,
I wanna watch you bleed, girl.
Let the pain course through you,
I wanna hear you scream, girl.
Don't fight it,
let your past haunt you.
I want to feel your suffering, girl.
I don't want to put up with you shit anymore,
so I'm not gonna take your shit anymore, girl.
Tear a gap in your soul,
so I can cackle at your pain.
(chorus)
Slit the shell of your skin,
I wanna watch you bleed, girl.
Let the pain course through you,
I wanna hear you scream, girl.
Don't fight it,
let your past haunt you.
I want to feel your suffering, girl.
Screaming,
at the cracked mirror before me.
I'm screaming,
the sound of you dying inside.
(chorus)
Slit the shell of your skin,
I wanna watch you bleed, girl.
Let the pain course through you,
I wanna hear you scream, girl.
Don't fight it,
let your past haunt you.
I want to feel your suffering, girl.
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06-30-2006, 12:19 PM
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#2
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Writing Machine
Join Date: May 2005
Location: Not over there, that's for sure....
Gender: Male
Posts: 1,783
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Hey, Spazola. I'm not sure if you could handle what I say (most writers now are having trouble doing that) but if you can't, than that's fine...
Quote:
Closing my eyes,
wishing for you to fade away.
This is way overused, dude
I don't want to see your face anymore.
Stow away in the darkness,
so I can see your bones decay.
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I like the agression in this... not metnioning the visual, but it's cliche, dude.
Quote:
(chorus)
Slit the shell of your skin,
I wanna watch you bleed, girl.
I like how sick this was... pretty sick. I like it. I do this alot.
Let the pain course through you,
I wanna hear you scream, girl.
i do this alot, too ... you copying me? - lol.
Don't fight it,
let your past haunt you.
I want to feel your suffering, girl.
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I liked the chorus overall, but it was still a bit cliche.
Quote:
Screaming,
at the cracked mirror before me.
I'm screaming,
the sound of you dying inside.
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How'd this happen? first he wants to see dying, now he's screaming to it?
I found it to be cliche, but very impressive. It had, rage, it had visual (which was spectacular)... stay gold, dude. I like rage songs and song with visual, so...
Impressive,
 
Demon
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Last edited by demon_ : 06-30-2006 at 12:22 PM.
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06-30-2006, 12:29 PM
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#3
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Prolific Writer
Join Date: Jun 2005
Gender: Female
Posts: 214
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I'm a little confused....you say you like certain parts over-all, but you also say they're cliche (though I agree, some of those lines are overused). So should I change those particular lines, or would that screw it up?
Sorry, I just don't quite understand. =p
Quote:
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How'd this happen? first he wants to see dying, now he's screaming to it?
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It's one person. She's speaking to herself, hence the title (Note to Self) and the mention of a mirror.
It wasn't supposed to be obvious, but I guess I'm not so smooth with half-assed hidden meanings. =p
Thank you very much for your help. ^_^
__________________
And she screamed,
"Claudio! Dear Claudio!
I wish, god dammit,
we'll make it if you believe..."
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06-30-2006, 12:33 PM
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#4
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Writing Machine
Join Date: May 2005
Location: Not over there, that's for sure....
Gender: Male
Posts: 1,783
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aah, I understand now... lol.. and I'll I'm saying is: it good but it's cliche...lol
__________________
Nowhuttumsayen?
click on the spoiler for YOUR health...
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06-30-2006, 12:42 PM
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#5
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Prolific Writer
Join Date: Jun 2005
Gender: Female
Posts: 214
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...but cliche is bad...
So it's good, but it sucks.
Okay.
O_o
=p
__________________
And she screamed,
"Claudio! Dear Claudio!
I wish, god dammit,
we'll make it if you believe..."
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06-30-2006, 12:46 PM
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#6
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Writing Machine
Join Date: May 2005
Location: Not over there, that's for sure....
Gender: Male
Posts: 1,783
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No, you have to understand that cliche is nessacary sometimes, especially if you have something like this. There's just certain levels of cliche...
a-bit cliche - okay (normal)
cliche - not bad
a-little-too-cliche - not so good
way too cliche - you better head for the hills from me... lol
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click on the spoiler for YOUR health...
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06-30-2006, 01:34 PM
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#7
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Prolific Writer
Join Date: Jun 2005
Gender: Female
Posts: 214
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Ahhh...I understand now. ^_^ Thank you for being patient with me. =p
__________________
And she screamed,
"Claudio! Dear Claudio!
I wish, god dammit,
we'll make it if you believe..."
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06-30-2006, 08:02 PM
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#8
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Writing Machine
Join Date: May 2005
Location: Not over there, that's for sure....
Gender: Male
Posts: 1,783
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No problem... thanks for not freaking out to my comments ( proceed doing this).
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click on the spoiler for YOUR health...
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06-30-2006, 09:03 PM
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#9
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Wordsmith
Join Date: Jun 2004
Location: wherever I wish it to be
Gender: Male
Posts: 8,487
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I have to disagree with demon a bit, I really dont see a ton of cliche, and in my mind its good anyway, I enjoyed this. its not often I disagree with demon  |
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07-01-2006, 12:30 AM
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#10
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Writing Machine
Join Date: May 2005
Location: Not over there, that's for sure....
Gender: Male
Posts: 1,783
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I'm more into the music, Spazola is probably aiming for... so I'd no... lol
but that's all in opinion, I guess. Though, Spazola, you did make it seem less cliche than it would be, forgot to mention.
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