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| Lyrics Original Song Lyrics. |
06-28-2006, 04:31 AM
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#1
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Scribe
Join Date: Jun 2006
Location: East Los Angeles
Gender: Male
Posts: 62
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Next-Door-Neighbor-Rag
Haha, I know this might seem a little funny, But I wanna know what you think of this. I wrote it a while back but no ones ever read it. It just came to me and I wrote it as I went along, it had a real mellow and cool feel to it.
If you've ever heard the Leadbelly song "Pretty flower in your backyard" it'd make more sense, that's where I got the rhythm
oh i got a pretty girl back at home
shes a sweet little angel..
yes i got a pretty girl named ana, way back at home.
oh come and see me ana
i said come by and see me ana, each and every day.
oh, ana, wont you come outside so i can see you?
oh come out with your little sister and play
come by and see me ana. dont leave me till the sun goes down.
let me tell you one thing ive got the sweetest neighbor in the town.
can you give me some help ana? come by and see me ana each and every day.
help me to water my garden, then come into my house and stay.
Anaaaa
ana come and call me, call me on the phone,
you can come on over and spend some time
ana we can be alone...
ana come on in and talk it over
your a really fine girl, your a lovely sight
wont you come around in the morning
skip school and stay late until the night
ana your like a little flower, you are the light of my life
ana your like a flower, your the light of my life
ana wont you come by soon, and wont you be my wife
and ana came and brought it back home
i saw her clean her clothes and put them on the line
let me tell ya one thing, oh yea yea...
she once was a true love of mine...
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06-28-2006, 07:26 AM
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#2
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Wordsmith
Join Date: Jun 2004
Location: wherever I wish it to be
Gender: Male
Posts: 8,487
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despite the lack of structure it wasnt too bad. I couldnt sense the flow, and I didnt know that one song, so Icouldnt use the flow from that. there was some inconsistensy in technical things (like rhyme and structure) but overall it was decent.
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06-28-2006, 09:56 AM
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#3
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Ink Slinger
Join Date: Apr 2006
Gender: Male
Posts: 2,358
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Like it, like it a lot. Upbeat? Bouncy? is what I'm hearing.
__________________
Every artist is a cannibal; Every poet is a thief All kill the inspiration; and sing about the grief - U2
Say what you mean, and mean what you say.
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06-28-2006, 10:00 AM
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#4
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Profound Writer
Join Date: Apr 2006
Location: Dover, PA
Gender: Female
Posts: 1,164
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Pretty good. Needs more of a flow like thamior said, but other then that, I liked it.
__________________
“People always leave, but sometimes they come back.”
"Everybody can't be popular, because if they were -- nobody would be popular."
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06-28-2006, 09:38 PM
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#5
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Scribe
Join Date: Jun 2006
Location: East Los Angeles
Gender: Male
Posts: 62
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Haha, I've written plenty, but that's my favorite. It has almost no structure, but of all my songs, that one hit me the most. I never edited it or went back on anything, it was raw. Thanks for the comments
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06-28-2006, 10:05 PM
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#6
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Wordsmith
Join Date: Jun 2004
Location: wherever I wish it to be
Gender: Male
Posts: 8,487
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Quote:
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Originally Posted by take a whiff on me
Haha, I've written plenty, but that's my favorite. It has almost no structure, but of all my songs, that one hit me the most. I never edited it or went back on anything, it was raw. Thanks for the comments
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I'm in a rut right now, but what do you define as plenty? I'm just curious. |
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06-28-2006, 11:29 PM
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#7
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Scribe
Join Date: Jun 2006
Location: East Los Angeles
Gender: Male
Posts: 62
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Oh, well here's a list.
Tax Free (first I wrote, about a farm called TAX FREE)
I'm Goin Back (about leaving someones house to go back)
Just The Way It Is (a silly song about elections, my chinese girlfriend, my racist grandpa, and bike riding)
Uncle Sam's Tobacco Farm Blues (A really long well structured song about working in a sweatshop, and a bunch of thugs and trouble)
Untitled (another long one, took me a while to write, about abandoning your wife to live in Egypt)
Still My Friend (have you heard Bob Dylans Ballad Of a Thin Man? like that)
Someday Soon (a churchy, protest song)
Same Old Blues (about things not working out basically)
Next-Door-Neighbor-Rag (you read it, im sure)
Fugitive Slave Song (about making it to Canada)
Im also working on a few songs, called AFTER THE WAR, INDIAN TRAIN, RING THAT BELL, KEEP IT CLEAN, and HAROLDS FARM HOUSE. and also another about coming home after a war.
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06-29-2006, 01:01 AM
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#8
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Scribe
Join Date: Jun 2006
Location: East Los Angeles
Gender: Male
Posts: 62
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ok everyone wish me luck- tomorrow im going to ask ana out!
I was gonna ask her to come over earlier, but she was at the raspado express! by the way, she's a wonderfully good looking mexican girl.
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06-29-2006, 06:33 AM
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#9
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Wordsmith
Join Date: Jun 2004
Location: wherever I wish it to be
Gender: Male
Posts: 8,487
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Quote:
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Originally Posted by take a whiff on me
Oh, well here's a list.
Tax Free (first I wrote, about a farm called TAX FREE)
I'm Goin Back (about leaving someones house to go back)
Just The Way It Is (a silly song about elections, my chinese girlfriend, my racist grandpa, and bike riding)
Uncle Sam's Tobacco Farm Blues (A really long well structured song about working in a sweatshop, and a bunch of thugs and trouble)
Untitled (another long one, took me a while to write, about abandoning your wife to live in Egypt)
Still My Friend (have you heard Bob Dylans Ballad Of a Thin Man? like that)
Someday Soon (a churchy, protest song)
Same Old Blues (about things not working out basically)
Next-Door-Neighbor-Rag (you read it, im sure)
Fugitive Slave Song (about making it to Canada)
Im also working on a few songs, called AFTER THE WAR, INDIAN TRAIN, RING THAT BELL, KEEP IT CLEAN, and HAROLDS FARM HOUSE. and also another about coming home after a war.
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I see, thats interesting  |
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07-01-2006, 03:00 AM
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#10
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Scribe
Join Date: Jun 2006
Location: East Los Angeles
Gender: Male
Posts: 62
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Alright!!! Everyone congratulate me! I asked her to be my girlfriend and she said yes!
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07-01-2006, 02:15 PM
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#11
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Wordsmith
Join Date: Jun 2004
Location: wherever I wish it to be
Gender: Male
Posts: 8,487
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Quote:
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Originally Posted by take a whiff on me
Alright!!! Everyone congratulate me! I asked her to be my girlfriend and she said yes!
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congrats I wish my news were just as happy |
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